This, except get rid of all relationships in general and sprinkle in a little bit of magic mushrooms and weed.
At my worst depression, I tried my hardest to never miss a stream of someone who does 6 days a week at 12+ hours a day.
had the impulse to go talk to people at the senior home before but it's not like I can just show up and start talking to people, they'll think I'm a scammer
call the building and ask to talk to the activity director or activity staff. they will help you volunteer and direct you to residents who just need someone to talk to or sit beside
edit: I recommend anyone looking to get into volunteer work do this. (especially if you have anxiety about volunteering or working with people; old folks often can't remember shit abt specifics but they do remember when they get visits.) it is easy work, it'll make you feel good, and you'll get some pretty good stories out of it.
they do not. most activity departments/skilled nursing facilities are desperate for volunteers. staffing ratios in snf are untenable and even in upscale nursing facilities these people are not getting meaningful one-on-one time.
if anyone here is seriously thinking abt doing this and has questions, please hmu.
why does time spent with coworkers go up a tiny bit at the end :desolate:
Lots of people feel bad if they're not contributing. Work isn't just something they are forced to do; they'd do it even if there was no such thing as money. Working class take a lot of pride and self-worth from doing what they do. Doing nothing might be wonderful to you, but it makes them feel worthless, like they don't belong and are just living off the backs of others.
well they're fucking weird and they should be more realistic about what that "work" does and is worth in 2022 neoliberal capitalist hell
It never fails to amaze me just how much self-professed sympathizers with the working class have a profound lack of understanding what it's like to be working class.
This doesn't fully add up, but I get the gist. Like, where does everyone go for approximately 10 hours per day that aren't accounted for on this chart (14hours per day for 15 year olds) so not alone, with family, friends, partners, or coworkers?
I guess sleeping?
Obviously capitalist alienation has a part here, but also isn't this just kinda life? As you get older more and more of the family and friends you've known since you were young die off, until eventually there's barely anyone left you remember?
Granted it doesn't have to be that way, you can make new family/friend relationships when you're older, but I think at a certain point in their lives alot of seniors are less open to making new emotional investments in people after experiencing all that death.
In addition to the alienation of capitalism, I wonder if this chart is showing us some of the worst effects of having a hyper-individualistic society?
Today's seniors would have been getting bootstrap-pilled damn near from birth, and maybe that's what we're seeing here?
And just speaking personally, after making it 70+ years on this planet and seeing all the death, I feel like that would make me want more connection in my life, not less.
alienation of capitalism
consequences of a hyper individualistic society
There's something I want to say to tie our individualized society into this as a symptom of late stage capitalism, but the words aren't coming to me.
I've grieved in my life but it has never stopped me from seeking out new relationships because they're worth the hurt at the end.
That would make sense if the chart started doing that in the 60-70s range and there are other cultures where being with an extended family is considered "normal".
you can make new family/friend relationships when you’re older
seems to be virtually fucking impossible after your early 20's unless you're a particular kind of person and/or in the right place at the right time
The saddest is if you actually live to real old age, like 90s or over 100. Then not only has everyone you have ever known died, but your children have died of old age, too. All you have left are grandchildren who have no time to visit you and great-grandchildren who regard you as some kind of facehugger because you're so culturally alienated from them. Great-grandparent, what are your preferred pronouns?
needs to be updated with a new lines for "time spent on communism/OF"
Me, who is entering his 30s and has neither a partner nor children: :this-is-fine:
Same. But entering 40s, no partner, no children, no coworkers, and essentially no family. Being alone pretty much 24/7 really sucks... Isolation does bad things to one's brain. :agony-limitless:
Roommates got me through the post-parent / pre-spouse gap. They also helped me get out and socialize, meet more people, and eventually form a family.
There were some downsides too, of course. Had to break up a fight between two of them when one tried to stab the other, for instance. Also, the kitchen was a chronic mess. But at the end of the day, having roommates always felt better than living alone, imho.
Yeah I think I would probably enjoy roommates if they were decent comrades esp. Though having to break up a knife fight might be a deal breaker for me. Kinda moot though, as my situation wouldn't really allow for it and I honestly have some growing mental illness issues that are the main reason I'm so isolated to begin with. It's really a fucking Catch22.
I wasn't always alone like this, I've been in caring, committed long term relationships, had a friend group, even some work I enjoyed. It's just been a really really long time since that and I'm just sort of broken now. Anyway, I'll stop the moaning, thanks for the advice.
Yeah I think I would probably enjoy roommates if they were decent comrades esp. Though having to break up a knife fight might be a deal breaker for me. Kinda moot though, as my situation wouldn’t really allow for it and I honestly have some growing mental illness issues that are the main reason I’m so isolated to begin with. It’s really a fucking Catch22.
I feel you. I moved in with an old high school friend after graduating college. And the number of roommates grew as more college grads piled in (we had a house with five people in it by the end). But that was easier when we were younger and living a bit looser. I don't think I could find roommates at 40, either.
But just living in an apartment block and building relationships with neighbors can help, too. Or getting to know the next-door neighbors on your street. I know more than a few 40-year-olds that just hit up the same bar every night and are friends with the other regulars. Not the healthiest way to live, but healthier than living alone.
I wasn’t always alone like this, I’ve been in caring, committed long term relationships, had a friend group, even some work I enjoyed. It’s just been a really really long time since that and I’m just sort of broken now.
I've moved a few times as a kid, and I remember how much it fucking sucks to lose your whole friend-group. Getting from zero friends to one is always the biggest challenge.
Anyway, I’ll stop the moaning, thanks for the advice.
Saul Good. This site is nothing if not a great place to vent frustration.
That sounds like it must have been pretty fun, actually, even with an little knife fight here and there. Certainly sounds like a good setup for a group of college kids (or recently out of).
That was actually how I envisioned I'd soon be living when in my late teens and early 20s, it was kind of the plan, actually. I suspect if I had done it more the way you describe, I wouldn't be quite so bad off as I am now, given the added socialization. But some pretty shitty things also happened around that time so it just wasn't in the cards. Having really bad social phobia certainly didn't help (now diagnosed as a full on personality disorder), but I lived in a little loft apartment with partner for 5 years in my mid/late twenties, as we slowly took classes at the community college where i also worked. And that was... good times. But yeah, I just turned 40 (ugh!) a couple months ago, have got nothing to show for it except a lot of shame and some unfortunate health problems. It's hard enough for "normal" people to make connections. As for roommates now, I'm in a little one-bedroom granny unit relying on foodstamps and the generosity of my remaining parent who owns said unit, and he also has his own weird issues wrt to human contact. In other words, having roommates isn't up to me. I'm not in town, fairly rural and the smattering of neighbors that do live in the area are wealthy, petty-bourgie boomers.
I've considered trying to connect, even joined a zoom meeting group for mental health well-being a while back, but... I don't know, maybe it's just that everyone is so utterly alienated, but I didn't feel like there was any path to actually connecting with anyone. Elsewhere in this thread, people mentioned going to elderly care homes and asking the staff which ressidents could use someone to talk to, and I think that could be a really good thing, actually helping someone else out. Something to think about. Of course covid adds a new element to be considered to that scenario.
Anyway, thanks for the friendly ear and your thoughts. I really do love this place. As others have said, it's like the last sane and kind place left on the internet.
Why were boomers so against lockdowns then ffs? They spend all their time alone anyway. Need their "freedom" to not talk to anyone is some real ideology
Hell is other people.
One of the things that surprised me the most about the pandemic was the utter freakouts by people who simply cannot stand to be alone. They need to constantly be around other people, to chatter, to blab, to gossip, to have drama in their lives. Without it they felt dead. I was like, WTF? All of the world's problems are cause by people who lack the ability to sit quietly in a room alone.
