TBH, this is an odd way to think of it, to me. I don't know that I understand it. I also don't really vibe with the idea that gender is something that you can have personal agency over; any more than you can have direct personal agency over your social identity, or "place in society" broadly speaking. It's always going to be a negotiation between what you're materially capable of doing, and what terms other people are prepared to accept in interacting with you; and at least in my experience the latter usually takes precedence.