There really needs to be some solid communist dating advice for these young men, other than "just be yourself" and "be a good person" kind of stuff. Like real, concrete steps on how a guy can be diverted from the incel/pua/tate path. Tbh a lot of the pua advice is common sense stuff (try to groom yourself well, don't be afraid to put yourself out there, etc.).
I remember there were some good comments in a thread somewhere here (I'm pretty sure it was on c/menby but I can't seem to find it)
I agree, but also think that close relationships where you can rely on each other to help through mental health issues are very important. I mean, your friends and lovers and families aren't going to be able to find whole solutions for OCD or depression, but there's a lot of subclinical stuff that they will be well equipped to help with. But you can't put all that on one person! Networks of support are important, so that everyone can help take care of each other in difficult times and distribute that load. Still, people should be able to be honest with their partners and involved in their mental health.
I dunno, it's a balance that's really hurt by alienation where people only really know a handful of other people they trust.
Yeah, 100%. A good partner will provide as much support as they can, but in cases like this, the support is coming from a peer. It is a different situation from expecting not only psychological support but romance to fall out of the ether in the same package, or coming across someone who needs some serious help and saying "I can fix her."
At the end of the day, this kind of support must be born out of compassion for the person in need, not self-interest.
When it comes to meeting people and leaving a good impression, you want to make sure you have your expectations calibrated. We all have our demons, and opening up about them is a part of the growth of any relationship, but you don't want to just dump this on people and make them pity you like you're some poor bird with broken wings (especially if you think the fact that you haven't gotten laid in a while makes you some poor bird with broken wings). You don't particularly even want to make the discussion about yourself at all. Talk about hobbies (get some hobbies, typically there are organizations of people who do hobbies and you can go to them). Talk about shit that's going on (you may not be aware, but there's some wild shit going on). Play some games. Do some trivia or karaoke. It's not a job interview. You have better odds stumbling across the opportunity to say something interesting about things other people care about than you do dictating your autobiography and hoping other people find it interesting. Then at the very least you end up being that guy/gal/nonbinary pal with the interesting and memorable takes and/or daring, heterodox choices in karaoke performances. People remember you, and not as a buzzkill. You might even become the subject of conversation when you're not even around.
Yeah, absolutely agreed. You get it.
Like, in previous relationships, I know that I've been an important part of working through my partner's problems. And my friends have been critical for mine. But in one relationship I basically bore the full weight of their illness, which led to resentment on my part and, maybe even more importantly, an inability for me to be open with them about my own illness, creating distance and barriers. In contrast, I've been able to use my whole network, in concert often with therapy, to get a little bit of help here and there from all of them and it's worked much better without burning people out so much.