Had to put our kitty down late last night and I’m an absolute wreck today. Feels so unfair, couldn’t have happened to a sweeter boy but it was ultimately the most compassionate thing to do.

Comrades, if you have a cat one year old or under make sure you know the signs of FIP and understand there are treatment options if you catch it earlier than we did

After an entire month of being morose I’m finally like… not wanting to drive my car into a wall lol. I’m still not stoked about things but I can somewhat imagine getting back to doing my own stuff again I guess. Progress lol

Some bad news (or good news if you see this as progress):

I have realized that I have depression/anxiety, I think that COVID being blown off and all the events of 2022 both on the news and in my personal life have broken me and I have been in doomer mode all year.

The bright side? I know my problem and how to fix it. I need to touch some grass and actually try to work towards improving what I can in my personal life. Sure, things are bleak now, but if comrades who have much less privilege than I do are not giving into despair, why should I?

i have some use-it-or-lose-it vacation time that i need to use before the new year and had structured my commitments/projects so that it wouldn't bother anything/anyone to take it. my immediate colleagues are, as always, very insistent i use it, because my unit is highly functional and we all appreciate each other as humans with real human lives.

naturally, random careerist psychos tried to dump major shit on me over the turkey weekend, but i seem to have ninja'd my way out of taking any of their impossible tasks on. there was a 24 hour window there where i was just stewing about it. i mean, the Top Minds went and tried to outsource a project and found out it would cost $10-12K to hire a team of pros... and so plan B became casually command me via email to handle it on my own, without the necessary skills, experience, or equipment, on top of all my actual job duties and $0 budget? pure delusion.

so, now i'm just back to tying up loose ends this week and getting my vacation on starting early next week. which is generally going to involve getting plenty of rest/exercise, figuring out the details of some DIY around the house, and following up on some healthcare stuff.

It's probably for the best that I don't feel safe anywhere, because if I felt safe in one place, I'd probably never leave it.

Family living life as if they arent hacking up a lung every few minutes. We probably deserve it after taking that vacation

Sounds like a sick video, comrade. And congrats on the party progress.

I'm doing pretty good, but it's a stressful time right now. My job is in commercial solar sales, and commission is quarterly. That means in the last month of every quarter, I spend my time frantically trying to get something to close. I feel good about my prospects, but nothing's guaranteed. My wife is pregnant, which is amazing and excited. Obviously, that's also stressful, though.

I have finished my written comps so not hearing anything is a good sign because if something was wrong with them my committee would tell me. I should take my orals in a week and a half.

Currently I'm helping my students with graphs and stats for the data they collected for their class projects that they'll be presenting today and Friday, it should be a good time.

I will probably use this weekend to brew some beer for my dad's birthday since he really liked New Castle but it's disgusting because of the acquisition.

Had my birthday

parents still making passing comments about my "confident incorrectness"

Playing Fire Emblem, an excellent game.

I've become committed to a career of terrorism

I'm not doing that great, tbh. I started a new work-from-home customer service job last month and I fucking hate it. And because it pays slightly more than I made delivering pizzas, I got kicked off Medicaid and had to sign up for private insurance through the job. The new plan doesn't cover mental health treatment unless I pay full price for it until I meet the $2000 deductible. So now on top of being miserable at a highly-micromanaged job, I have the added bonus of not having any of my depression meds or therapy.

Used to think that being an adult was like... choose 2: work / chores / hobbies

But lately it's actually like choose 1: work / chores / hobbies / relationships / health / random crisis of the week

So yeah, not exactly crushing it these days

Broke up with my partner and will eventually be returning to the hell world that is dating in the algorithmic age :deeper-sadness:

Also, learning that my decision to quit my cubicle job for a completely remote one has been detrimental to my mental health

Everything sucks