My lust for women is a lurking, cunning creature that understands how and where to kill me

I feel like I’m dying. Every time I think my pornography addiction is healing, this Gollum-esque creature I call Lust returns from the shadows. It waits till I get weary and shut my eyes. It creeps over, silent, slithering over stones and vines, watching my still form with glinting eyes.

This creature called Lust slowly, deliberately unsheathes a thin dagger. It isn’t quite strong enough to murder me when I’m awake, because I could savor its death, slowly suffocating it in my grasp.

Instead, it uses wit and cunning, waiting till I’m vulnerable. It takes that dagger and stabs into my neck, over and over. By the time I realize I’m under attack, a half dozen holes in my neck are spewing blood. All I can managed is a strangled gurgle, as this bony creature looks down on me with a grin.

I despise it. If given the chance, I would kill this malnourished, miserable creature with a cruel satisfaction. I want to watch its ribs pop, one by one. I want to watch it screech in pain as I slowly, deliberately drive a stake through its neck. I fantasize of watching the life fade from its eyes. But I can’t. It scampers around in the woods, fleeing when I give chase.

But always, I get tired. I sit down. I take a nap. And the creature which could never take me in a fair fight gets to watch my gurgling cry for help.

answer

/r/TrueChristian

  • CommunistBarbie [she/her]
    ·
    2 years ago

    If this is helpful: Libido and romantic feelings are two separate mechanisms.

    There are ace people who are aromantic, romantic people who don’t have high libidos, and people with libidos who are aromantic. Both are along a spectrum / sliding scale and not binary.

    I’m probably not phrasing this well because I have a migraine, but figured I’d comment with that.

    I didn’t make that distinction until like a year ago and when I did I felt a lot less like I was cursed lol

    • CanYouFeelItMrKrabs [any, he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      Absolutely, but I feel weird about feeling sexual or romantic attraction to other people

      I think the root of this is that in school I had a crush on my best friend, who did not take well to that information. I assumed this would happen so I would deny that I liked her all the time publically, but then she asked me directly. Also I'm a very anxious person so I think my mind's takeaway from that is to try to avoid any kind of attraction

      I've been thinking about this more since I'm looking more into social anxiety and ADHD.

      Anyways thanks for listening :meow-hug: