found this interesting

  • Awoo [she/her]
    ·
    2 years ago

    I'm a little lost in all this.

    I have an internal monologue at times when reasoning something out or going through something slowly, but I also do not have an internal monologue at other times, replaced instead by thoughts instead being more like shapes and feelings. My ability to think is considerably faster WITHOUT a monologue than with one.

    Is this not how it is for most people? Dipping in and out?

    • President_Obama [they/them]
      ·
      edit-2
      2 years ago

      I'm the same way as you, but wasn't always. I'm autistic, and before my diagnosis and medication, my mind was racing 24/7, and it was all in words. It was exhausting, and complicated communication.

      A way I've described it to therapists is to imagine 5 train tracks on which at any given time, 3 trains drive. I was always aware of all 3, but I could focus on one in specific. (I probably thought of the train metaphor because of the "train of thought" idiom.) It was just... from the moment I woke up, till the moment I fell asleep. No respite.

      • edge [he/him]
        ·
        2 years ago

        This sounds pretty damn close to me, but I was thinking that stuff would be ADHD which I haven't being diagnosed with yet (but I'm already diagnosed autistic). I've been looking into getting an ADHD diagnosis to get medicine because I know it would help, but what medicine did they give you for an autism diagnosis?

        • President_Obama [they/them]
          ·
          2 years ago

          Ritalin. They didn't give it to me for my diagnosis per se, they gave it to me because I was chronically fatigued due to overstimulation. This (coupled with various types of therapy, mainly psychosomatic) helped act as a sort of stimuli filter, the filter that neurotypical people have which prevents them from being overstimulated.

      • Awoo [she/her]
        ·
        edit-2
        2 years ago

        I can't understand monologuing all the time because like... I have lots of thoughts all happening at the same time? I have that process running in the back of my brain about that theory I read yesterday that I'm pretty sure is gonna come to some sort of revelation in a day or two that interrupts whatever I'm doing. Then I have whatever I'm currently doing, what I'm planning to do, what I feel like eating/drinking soon, and a number of others going on about various things including that thing that upset me this morning.

        I can't possibly monologue this all at once. It is all running in tandem, like multithreading. Multiple tracks is an interesting way to put it but they're not really tracks, it's more like a sorting algorithm with many things happening in many places all at once. It's not linear for me at all.

        I can drop in and out of monologue, but it's not always there, and it's much faster for it to not be there so I can process many different things at any one time.

        • President_Obama [they/them]
          ·
          edit-2
          2 years ago

          it’s much faster for it to not be there

          Yes, this was quite annoying, and I just realised I don't have the following experience anymore: I used to be thinking about something, already have finished the thought, but I'd have to think it all the way through verbally before I could move on.

          Any who, don't have this anymore. I got way better single-threaded performance I never need to verbalise thoughts (verbalise in my head, I mean) anymore. My entire way of thinking has been rewritten after meds and various kinds of therapy. I only have 2 tracks now, and there's one train that goes on schedule. And I can make another train come and go whenever I wish. It's peaceful, compared to before.

          • Awoo [she/her]
            ·
            2 years ago

            Hmmm mine is never really peaceful lmao I can only switch off with meditative content or hypnosis trance stuff that I definitely don't do often enough given how relaxing it is.

    • Tachanka [comrade/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      2 years ago

      i dip in and out like you said, but I have a monologue much more often than I want to, and I think it slows me down sometimes.

      • Awoo [she/her]
        ·
        edit-2
        2 years ago

        Hmm now that you mention it I think being "in the zone" is a state of extreme lack of monologuing, relying almost entirely on unconscious instinctive thoughts due to extremely high levels of concentration.

    • AssortedBiscuits [they/them]
      ·
      2 years ago

      My mind is just an ever-shifting ocean of physical sensations, past memories, raw emotions, general concepts, and imagination. It's rarely ever a singular thing. And it's not always active either as my mind can be still at times.

      I guess I'm just perplexed about people who can't mentally do a certain thing or who can only do a certain thing.