Have any queer vibes to share? Here's your place! :hexbear-pride:
Talk about what’s happening queerly in your life - like coming out, getting HRT, questioning, and all that good stuff.
:no-copyright: No cishets allowed :blob-no:
Kanna, sweaty, when you make these threads monthly you know i'll have to write big walls of text about all the traaaans and very very gay stuff that's going on in my life bc i'm just very trans and also an extremely gay woman. Don't say i didn't warn you, dear!
Yesterday was the first time i got called "the lady over there" while being unmasked. And when i look in the mirror today, it's honestly amazing how well HRT is working after just two and a half months, especially at my age. I'm glowing rn :cat-trans: Need to do something about those rings under my eyes, tho. No idea where these are coming from, i actually slept real well tonight? But i got a big self care program planned for this evening anyway, so i'll take care of that later.
Speech therapy is also getting along wonderfully. I'm still not at the point where we're working on my new voice, but i've finished one of the major building blocks for that - i can reliably raise my larynx and keep it up there now, so we've progresed to training how to reduce the vibrating mass of my vocal chords and the first tries in that direction went really well.
Next BIG step that's coming up is laser hair removal. Fucking finally! Got an appointment next week, for which i just got the recommendation from my psychologist in the mail. I don't know if we can start already, it's possible we first have to get the greenlight from health services, but at least i'm seeing a doctor about this. I hate the gatekeeping here, but damn does my shrink's assessment of my "case" read validating. When i go through it, i feel like the biggest trans to ever trans my gender lol. I mean, she's super helpful and inclusive in general, she's a blessing to have for trans and espicially NB people in my area, i just wish she could focus on helping people who are questioning and need to overcome internalized transphobia instead of wasting her time with me while she's got a year-long waiting list. But sadly, i need these letters from her if i want to get SRS in the future. This country is such a fuck, i'm just glad things are getting better (albeit at a glacial pace) instead of being made actively worse.
Also started connecting to local trans* communities recently and it feels so good to be among all these people either like me or also not cis, but different from me in the most beautiful ways. I love my genderqueer and nonbinary comrades! I hope i can meet many, many more of you guys, gals and enbiepals in the future so we can smash cishetpatriarchy together (and maybe kiss afterwards, which btw is a safe and volcel thing to do)!
:hexbear-non-binary::unity::hexbear-trans::unity::hexbear-genderqueer:
I appreciate the big walls of text every time you update us! I'm glad things have been going so well for you :heart-sickle:
Moving to a monthly format mainly because I think it works better for commenting on things said in here. Not everyone will think to come to this thread each week, but may have something to add to something said last week.
Unrelated - Does anyone have any sapphic media to recommend?
My straighter friends are sometimes like "Rem u should watch this show, it has a lesbian characters in it" about shows they like, but when they talk about it to each other they're never like "wow I love how gay it is" they're like "wow I love seeing my favorite League of Legends characters fighting on thr Netflix", so the "watch because gay" thing ends up feeling a bit, idk, tokenizing?
Yeah, that's pretty awkward lol. It should really be "you should watch this show because it's good, it even has lesbians!"
I love my gay shit, but I guess it comes off as less genuine if that's clearly not what the person recommending it likes about it
Yeah, that does sound weird towards you. But if the show in question is Arcane, it actually is worth a watch particularly for the women on it, even though it's not that much of a gay show. A friend on my RPG discord actually mentioned how much she likes the show for having so many tough girls in leading roles. She's a bit of an asskicker herself and loves when media features strong warrior women that can fold you in half, and Arcane does have a lot of these, including an incredibly cute lesbian couple. The romance is mostly off screen (like all romance on the show, so it doesn't feel too much like "bury your gays"), but there are a few heartwarming scenes in between all the action where the two of them have really good chemistry. Also the butchy one is to die for (even tho butchy here just means short hair, rough attitude and tats, but that's already more than most other shows would do for butch representation).
The other one's a cop, tho :trans-sad:
I'm going to be moving out, which means I'm going to try makeup!
I'm pretty sure I'm bi, and I would like to sit down and ask myself "what do I really like/want to present?" I'm pretty sure I'm cis, but I kinda want to try out looking a bit more fem. Right now, I would like to try out the femboy look and see if I like it. The reason for my confidence in being cis is that I would also enjoy presenting as manly. So really, this just boils down to fashion rather than gender, but I am still curious if anything "clicks" while wearing skirts or presenting more fem. Regardless, I'm working out because being slim but with a good amount of visible muscle is a good place to start in either way.
But with my newfound freedom, I cannot wait to experiment with possibly being bi. My plan is to head to a queer bar to at least challenge some possible internalized homophobia.
Wish me luck, best case scenario, a huge mental weight gets lifted off my mind :hexbear-bi-2:
:ortega-clap: The twink to femboy pipeline (which isn't a pipeline it's a piece of cloth in difference)
It's been about 10 months since I started E. This is my breastimony lol. Super happy with it! They kinda went from small B cupish size to proper big over like 2 months, they're in range of what the cis women in my family have. I can't, like, wear a baggy t shirt with no bra. Even under a sweater, I can still see them - which is great! It kinda grew in two spurts, one near the start and then they leveled off for a long time and then a slower spurt over the last couple months.
I kept being told by my trans friend who started HRT like 6 months before me that I should be prepared to be, essentially, asexual. I've read online that that'd common, I asked my doctor and he said it was possible. And that has not been my experience like at all. I'm way more horny, but it's like... different? I way more want to be touched and the stuff that I focus on is different... I dunno how to describe it. I think it might have to do with just not being as depressed, cause it was pretty bad for me for years and years.
I didn't have a clean bra today so I went without one and
I FELT A JIGGLE :trans-ferret:
I might be taking up jogging... or buying a trampoline lmao :chicken-bop:
I don't think I'm trans or non binary but sometimes I feel like I'm only 90% cis and I don't really know what to make of it
I highly doubt anybody is 100% male or female. Sounds pretty normal to me
Was talking with three strangers and topic changed to dating. I said I "don't do dating, because I'm aromantic". And they all knew what that was and understood! :meow-bounce:
It's hard when someone you found so much joy and happiness being around for over a year cuts you off suddenly. Things happen that I wish I could share, songs play that remind me of singing them together, and I really just wish I could call and ask about her day again. I'm able to go to work, I'm able to keep studying, but I'm still sad. I still cry sometimes.
Just to be clear communication was abruptly cut off. I worry that I may have made it sound even worse, not that this hasn't been a miserable time working through this. It's really awkward cause we share a space online still and I'm supposed to just act like everything is normal. I keep thinking I should just leave that space because it makes me feel sad and awful being there
Thank you though :heart-sickle:
Sad girl stuff
I'm tired of crying, hurting, and heartbreak.
Yea this still happens to me now. Honestly, I'm glad I still don't get any dysphoria because it sounds terrible but it did make me figuring out I was trans a lot harder
Once I started questioning, it just randomly clicked into my brain and I just emotionally accepted it one day even though I knew logically, just thinking about my emotions, thoughts, and history, that I should be trans for a month or two beforehand
Maybe that will happen to you soon and you finally make a decision
That's probably because at night when you're more tired, your brain's emotional mental barriers acting as self defence mechanisms weaken a bit tbh
Lots of people get more negative feelings at night
I get the same thing but for other emotions, not gender dysphoria
In my experience, the connection to how you present and how you feel isn't always immediate. You might feel fine presenting a certain way, but then the next day wake up feeling like shit and not knowing why. If you notice that this happens consistently, then it might mean that while you can put up with it in the moment, it actually does bother you. It might help to keep a journal of how you present and how you feel, and see if you notice a pattern of feeling bad afterwards.
You could always just start taking steps. If you are not sure then you will either be discouraged by phsychologists, or decide it's not for you when answering the informed consent questions.
I.e Results are random can you handle if they don't meet your expectations.
HRT doesn't even have to be a step you take, but for me it was a process I needed to go through inorder to finally accept myself and break out of the cage I was in.
