I don’t want to talk to a therapist. I don’t want to talk to my parents. I don’t want to talk to my friends. They’d either laugh at me, turn me in to the DHS, or do both. I’m very afraid because my mental state is worsening and I’ve had another panic attack today
I think due to the political situation it’s been getting more and more worse. I’ve been feeling more hopeless , and have been experiencing violent and even suicidal thoughts. I haven’t done much to socialize. I am losing sleep. I’m spending unhealthy amounts of time on the internet talking to strangers older than I am.
It's understandable, in times like these. There's not much hope to go around. I also struggle with thoughts of suicide. The number one thing I would say is that you don't have to go it alone. If you really think you will harm yourself, please consider getting professional help. I waited four or five years to talk about mine, and that was a huge mistake. You aren't alone. People care about you, and will support you. Even talking to internet randos is a form of socialization. If you think you may really have a problem, talk to someone face-to-face. It sucks, and it's hard, but don't isolate yourself just to avoid the internet. You've got to take care of yourself to keep fighting the good fight.
The problem is I am having really violent thoughts and ideas recently, and I don’t want to get reported to the cops for them.
If you're in the states, the National Suicide Hotline will call the police on you, so I would recommend avoiding them. Do find someone you can talk with though, okay? It sounds as though you're in dire straights. The people here will help if you are willing to reach out.
I’m afraid to call them because they’ll turn me in
Please do talk to someone, though. Don't try and struggle through by yourself. The community is here for this.