This is a burner account cause it's kinda embarissing and such. Sorry for the slightly rambliness.

I'm currently in my first long term relationship ever (1.5 years). I had felt like I was missing something from my direction of our relationship (enough attention) a few months ago. We talked about it and it mostly feels solved at this point. I hadn't really noticed the same feeling after that point, but I met a person recently who has made me reevaluate my feelings. I met this person and I realized I haven't had anyone in my life before now that really "got" me. (I have also been crushing on this person a little bit, everyone is aware of this but we are perfectly happy just being friends). I currently believe that that kind of feeling is what I am missing from my current relationship, as my partner (who works two jobs) only has limited ability to understand and relate to my interests. I've also been a bit frustrated lately because my partner doesn't have a very robust support network, besides me. Most of this is down to their autism (I am also autistic) and having multiple jobs and health issues which drain them pretty badly. I love them so much and I'm not sure what to do. I plan to talk to them about this but I'm really not sure what should even be on my mind.

Please help a really confused hexbearer who feels too old for their lack of relationship experience.

  • burneraccount3444555 [they/them]
    ·
    2 years ago

    all-or-nothing mentality around boundaries in pop-polyamory

    What do you mean by this

    Also you've given me some good things to think about reguarding poly stuff. It has been on my mind just a little bit but I wanted to fully understand what's going on before committing to even more.

    • MoneyIsTheDeepState [comrade/them,he/him]
      ·
      2 years ago

      I'm mostly thinking of a sort of "poly ultra" subculture on Reddit that considered being poly as evidence of Enlightenment, and by their reckoning the fewer boundaries you want the more poly you are

      More broadly though, I'm talking about the idea that it's prudish or controlling to be honest about things that you aren't comfortable with. Many people have seemed to get the impression that their only options are Tradition or Free Love, and so try to "commit" by setting their boundaries to what they think they should be instead of what they actually feel in the present

      Edit: My scare quotes on "commit" read like I'm suddenly getting hostile for no reason, but actually I just forgot that the word was in your comment too lol