I'm also autistic. If you're like a lot of us, you might have never learned how to advocate for your needs. How often do you and your partner argue? Who usually wins? You said that the issue "mostly feels solved" - is that because your partner has made adjustments or because you've gotten tired of addressing the topic?

The reason I ask these question is because I've been in a similar position lately - my partner has been fairly inattentive and I've been suffering from that lack of emotional intimacy. And while I knew there were some deeper personal issues at play, my partner didn't want to address them and I couldn't help but sort of internalize it as something that I was doing wrong.

We had an argument recently for the first time in ages and it really helped. Usually I back down from my feelings to placate the other person but this time I stood my ground. I realized that I owed my partner my true emotions because otherwise I'd just end up feeling resentment, and ultimately, if a relationship isn't strong enough to handle your emotional honesty then maybe it's not the right one for you.

Also, outside crushes are normal but if you're seriously entertaining one (assuming y'all are monogamous) then that might be a sign that you're ready to move on. That's another thing about autism - we're not always great at recognizing and valuing how we feel. Take some time to think through whether you actually want to be with this person and then make your decisions accordingly.