Sorry if this is the wrong comm, but I had to get this off my chest. I am so sick and tired of dealing with bi-erasure. I am a bisexual man who is I'd say 90% attracted to women and 10% attracted to men. Best I can explain it, I am mostly attracted to women and occasionally attracted to a man. It really is that simple, but for a lot of people I might as well be explaining calculus. I understand if most straight people can't fathom it, after all they are straight. But what really irks me is when other LGBT people erase it, telling me I am "in the closet" or whatever. It makes me so damn angry because I am not in the closet, I am open about my bisexuality, yet no one believes it. I have only dated women, but everyone in my life off and online including my gf who herself is LGBTQ+ thinks I am gay. I'm so sick of it I think I'll either just tell people I am straight or become gay.
Genuine question as uninformed cisgender heterosexual, what is “bi-erasure”?
I have heard online and even my queer friends seem to say it in passing as joke they get but I don’t get it. I assume this is how I feel when I make black jokes that are outside their realm of knowledge/experience.
What is it exactly? From the context of the word I assume it’s bisexual people being left out but what exactly is going on? Download any knowledge for an uninformed dude please. Not trying to troll or joke, just want to be learn.
Even many homophobes will acknowledge that gay people exist.
Even many well-informed queer people will act as if bi people don’t exist.
It’s a weird thing where the level of evidence necessary for people being accepted as bi seems to be that they need to have been in both gay and straight sexual relationships before and be equally attracted to both ends of the gender spectrum, and in similar ways. This just isn’t the case for most bi people.
The idea that bi people do not exist. That we are either straight women who are adventurous or gay guys who are in the closet, at least thats how it most commonly occurs. Some people seemingly cannot fathom that there are us who find examples of people across the gender spectrum attractive.
One form is when people are absolutist and binary about sexuality by dismissing a person's own agency and experience. A very common example being when someone questions if another person is really attracted to multiple genders, usually insisting they're in the closet about being "fully" gay.
Can also happen with gender and queer-erasure when people are certain enbys and gender non-conforming people are just trans eggs waiting to crack.
This thread has a lot of examples, but to put it succinctly it is the erasure of bisexuality as its own distinct and internally diverse thing. People aren't bi, they're straight or gay and pretending. Or they've experimented, but their orientation doesn't actually contain a rang of attraction to different kinds of people, they're just horny. If you date a member of the opposite gender, but still are attracted to people of the same, you're just straight (or even stealing queer valor.) That sort of thing.
Beyond personal circumstances and reactions from friends, etc. Bi people in popular culture or history are very often reduced to being gay or straight. This can get a bit circular where people will often just pretend to have the orientation that they're currently displaying or is most acceptable for their circumstances because it's not worth the hassle of affirming that yes, you do like it two or more ways.
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It's when people believe that bisexuality doesn't exist and that eventually they'll just come out as straight or gay. It's almost always an offshoot of misogyny that makes people believe that someone would choose men if they could. Bisexual men are usually seen as "self hating gay" and bi women are typically seen as "promiscuous and amoral straight woman." The root cause of this is patriarchy forcing people's lives to revolve around men.
When other queer people don't believe someone is bi it's a strong sign that they need to distance themselves from patriarchy. It's why queer people must do "the work" in order to have strong community. "The work" meaning distancing your soul from white cis hetero patriarchy.