Changeling [it/its]

I swing violently between whimsical and cynical. This bio should suffice for both.

  • 54 Posts
  • 1.22K Comments
Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: October 25th, 2022

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  • Changeling [it/its]toaskchapoHow do you view crushes?
    ·
    1 year ago

    Attraction and attachment are actually very complicated and people’s experiences with them are diverse, so it’s not a bad idea to describe your experiences.

    I’m gonna hide a long post behind a spoiler, but wanna directly answer your question first.

    Yes, it varies from person to person. Most people don’t talk about it as if it varies, but it does. I consider a crush to be sustained romantic attraction for a person you’re not partnered with.

    I experience the same “crush” feeling for my long-term partner, but it would be weird to refer to it that way, because society is allo-centric and just calls that love (it also calls a bunch of other stuff love). It’s just romantic attraction, which can feel different between people, but for me is kind of a fluttering warmth in my tummy that makes me wanna smile. Feels similar to admiration.

    Some people experience that very strongly very quickly. Others need to establish attachment first. Some people experience it fleetingly. For others it’s overwhelming and constant, even after a long period of time.

    long post

    spoiler

    I see attraction through two lenses:

    • biological model—scientific view of systems in the brain
    • dual attraction model—language developed by aromantic and asexual people to describe their experiences

    There’s overlap between the two, but you can imagine science hasn’t exactly caught up on accounting for the experiences of aromantic/asexual people. The science is paraphrased and I don’t have any relevant qualifications, so if you wanna know more about that, this is more of a jumping off point than a definitive guide.

    biological model

    There are systems in the brain for physical (sexual) attraction, arousal, romantic love, and attachment. In most people:

    • arousal and romantic love are easy to trigger quickly and without much or any attachment
    • arousal is easier to trigger than romantic love
    • romantic love is easier to sustain than arousal
    • physical attraction primes arousal and romantic love to be easier to trigger
    • attachment can affect the other systems, but the association isn’t strictly necessary in either direction

    the dual attraction model

    There many kinds of attraction:

    • sexual attraction
    • romantic attraction
    • platonic attraction
    • aesthetic attraction

    When allo people (both alloromantic and allosexual) talk about being attracted to a (potential) partner, they typically mean sexual and romantic attraction, but do not differentiate between them.

    There are lots of ways for people to be on the aromantic and/or asexual spectrums. Some people experience neither romantic nor sexual attraction. Some people can only experience one/both in specific circumstances (like being closely attached to someone).

    There’s also the topic of sex repulsion. If you’re only attracted to one end of the gender spectrum, you may experience sexual repulsion at the idea of having sex with someone from the other end of the spectrum. Asexual people may experience that for everyone. Or they may experience it in specific circumstances or at differing intensities. It’s worth noting that people’s reasons for having sex are incredibly diverse and people may choose to partake or abstain independent or whether they’re sex repulsed or not. Similarly, there are plenty of aromantic people who have long term partners who they’re attached to and love. Feels like that should go without saying, but people are brainwormed.




  • Just in case anyone was wondering, there’s a scientific consensus on holding kids back a grade. It’s typically unhelpful and often detrimental.

    Also, a proper reading intervention for a kid who’s testing below grade level should be individualized and involve wholistic assessment, not just standardized test scores. The idea that you could actually summarize a single person’s reading ability in a single number, let along an entire population’s, is preposterous.

    To be clear, Mississippi is actively raising an entire generation of people with learning disabilities who are being isolated from their peers and excluded from official statistics because their intelligence is “too low”. The vast majority of these kids could meet or exceed their peers with the proper assistance. For a lot of them, it’s not a capacity thing at all. The standard instructions methods just don’t work.



  • Changeling [it/its]toaskchapo*Permanently Deleted*
    ·
    1 year ago

    I feel like if you’re hooked into political discourse enough, you can smell it every time a think tank adviser takes a shit. Some special interest group decided they wanted more people to believe in the war on drugs, and so they do.


  • This is the full quote, according to Parenti:

    Left anticommunists remained studiously unimpressed by the dramatic gains won by masses of previously impoverished people under communism. Some were even scornful of such accomplishments. I recall how in Burlington Vermont, in 1971, the noted anticommunist anarchist, Murray Bookchin, derisively referred to my concern for “the poor little children who got fed under communism” (his words).

    It’s literally a personal anecdote claimed by Parenti, so I don’t see that being corroborated.


  • Cis society is built on passively affirming people’s assigned gender. It’s built into everything from clothing to basic social norms to medical care.

    I try so hard to compliment my children regularly about things that they’ve expressed value for. I complimented one of them today that they were drawing eyes “really rectangularly”. Do I value that? No. But it made them really excited.


  • Potential explanations for this behavior:

    1. Confirmation bias
    2. The father is quicker to complement the daughter
    3. The mother is quicker to criticize the daughter
    4. The mother already knows how pretty the hair is because she was the one brushing it
    5. The mother was taking pictures of the process and seemed distracted
    6. The father participates in less care tasks (brushing hair can uncomfortable and boring and explaining why it’s necessary can be upsetting, so if the mother is taking on all that work, the father gets off the hook implicitly and doesn’t suffer the negative backlash)
    7. The father is normally the one who brushes her hair
    8. This behavior is modeled by the mother showing off her hair to the father

    Note that none of these explanations involve the innate sexual preferences and desires of literal children