I have this pet theory that social skills aren't real. There's some nuance in knowing when a conversation is getting serious (e.g. when to use formal language. when to shut the fuck up and listen), but there's no such thing as more-correct words, timings, cadences, body languages, or subject matters. Most social problems come from some kind of expectation of how the conversation is supposed to go. For example, there's this evergreen conversation to be had about being approached by your gym crush right after you finish the set. I'd say the mind space you need to talk to someone is so different than the mind space you need to focus on a heavy lift. So when your crush comes up and says "hi" and you say "you too," it would be a fools game to try and get better at quickly switching mind spaces. There was no incorrect strategy involved. You're supposed to feel those butterflies and, on average, it's supposed to be difficult to be witty while you're focused on a task. Trying to keep eye contact and speak while adrenaline is pumping seems more like a Mario Party mini game than a serious task.

Some people don't want to be talked to: maybe they're busy, they're in the wrong mind space, they think you look weird, etc. But for my money, having a good conversation doesn't feel like it's the result of getting some kind of timing down, having practiced the more-correct words, or coming in with some sort of strategy. It seems to be by virtue of finding someone who wants to talk to me, listening to them, and responding to them. It's no great venture, it's what you do to pass the time. Talking to someone who wants to talk is no more difficult than eating food. Talking to someone who doesn't want to talk seems more futile than trying to outwork Sisyphus.

Thoughts?