notable bits:
crowder filed for divorce
he was not present for the birth of his children
he moved out like before they were even home really
he was clearly abusive the whole time
notable bits:
crowder filed for divorce
he was not present for the birth of his children
he moved out like before they were even home really
he was clearly abusive the whole time
Abusers are able to control their impulses. They do it all day every because they have to to survive. You can’t act like this towards your boss and keep your job. You can’t act like this with other aggressive men or you’ll end up in the hospital. So this has it backwards. It’s not that he couldn’t control his impulses. In the process of finding a partner, he drove away people with a healthy sense of boundaries and choose, consciously or otherwise, a partner who he knew would be lenient toward him when (not if) he dropped his mask. He found a pressure release valve.
That’s a lot different from having a lack of self-control. He has an excess of self-control. Does he have a limited toolbox when it comes to coping with his emotions? Oh, 100%. But he uses those emotional tools aggressively to white knuckle his way through normalcy right up until he can’t. And then who’s supposed to “support” him? His wife, of course. And we see exactly what “supporting” Steven Crowder looks like right fucking here.
And don’t get me started on that preemptive shielding he’s been doing talking about how anyone who’s criticizing him is coming after his kids.
:fidel-salute: that's a great break down on abusers and self control. That's a really helpful way to look at it. Thanks comrade
Of course. I try to make it empathetic to people who have been harmed and emotionally repressed without excusing the harm they might do to others. Because I don’t think making excuses is fair to people who have hurt in similar ways and not lashed out.
I mean what the hell else are you supposed to do though? Be a martyr on a cross for a society that doesn't give a shit?
I have little interest in being anybody's sacrificial lamb.
Mind you that's not a "defense" of Crowder here. His badgering of his eight month pregnant wife is both baffling, and loathsome to myself.
More just an interrogation of whatever point you're trying to make.
Maybe “lashing out” was a bad choice a words. It’s not the job of people who have been abused to never lash out at anyone. I meant more like not everyone becomes an abuser themselves. Not everyone perpetuates those patterns of behavior.
Hmm; that's fair.
TBH, the question of "what are you supposed to do?" Is more than just a rhetorical one for me. I am in a stochastic process of trying to figure out how get my own needs met without just imposing them on others these days. It hasn't generally been an option beforehand.
That’s a difficult process for sure. It’s one that would normally be spread out through an entire childhood and people try to speedrun it in a matter of months or a few years. I don’t know if you were literally asking for an answer to the question, but I can’t say much without more context. Either way, I hope it’s been going well for you so far.
Yeah... That's sort of what I mean; it is in fact something that I'm going to have to "speedrun". Because neither the expression of my own needs or interests, nor the ability to have them reliably met, was something that actually existed for most of my life growing up.
My work has gotten me set up with what I believe is a pretty good therapist, he actually bothered to put me through some actual clinical diagnostic evaluations, and I apparently have a lot more going on than what I initially thought. So, I have something to work on, and a way to develop tools for that rn.
For sure. And to be clear, I didn’t intend to make light of that need to catch up quickly. I’m doing the same thing.
That’s awesome to hear! I relate to the experience of having a lot more going on than anticipated. Having a good therapist really does make a world of difference, there.
There was a book where the author talked about how they talked with abused wives, who would say sometimes he loses control, and breaks things. The author then asked "does he ever break any of his own stuff?" Which started to plant the seeds of doubt and clarity in the abuse victims.