This one is delightful, get ready. So, I know this gun nut who was telling me about a gun show he went to recently. He was having a nice chat with a vendor, when all of a sudden the vendor started telling him all about the information THEY don't want you to know. Are you ready? There are underground tunnels filled with . . . not mole children, but water! And they're arranged in a north-south and east-west grid all across the United States. What are these tunnels full of water for, you ask? They're for nuclear submarines! That's right, this man believes that as we speak, there are nuclear submarines running silent, running deep in the ground beneath our feet. What is the purpose of burying your nuclear submarines underground where they can't actually launch anything? I have no idea. But I love this theory and I'm sad I wasn't there for the conversation. I have so many questions. Do they have to get to the seashore to surface? I just love the idea of the president wanting to push the Destroy the World Button, when the top generals are like, "I'm sorry sir, but all our subs are in Kansas, Wyoming, and Iowa." Or does he think that every lake and river has an escape hatch that the submarine could just burst out of, like the worms in Tremors? All of a sudden, there's a bigass nuclear sub just going down the Colorado River. What's the draft of a sub of that size, anyway? How many of the nation's rivers would even be navigable? I have no idea, but I love it.
And then there's the grid to think about. Just zigzagging your way across the entire continent. Are the tunnels wide enough for two subs to pass? I'm also imagining the sub bursting forth into some lake and the captain saying, "I knew I should've turned left at Albuquerque." :bugs-stalin:
Americans will dig a nation wide network of secret underground canals before they'll just do what everyone else does and put an ICBM on a train.
This seems like a spin on the classic D.U.M.B.S. or deep underground military bunkers but it's water canals for subs instead. It'd be a logistical nightmare that no doubt Elon would be in charge of making these shitty tunnels for subs.
Oh fuuuuuuuuck thats the good stuff. Put that shit directly into my spine.
I will repeat this ceaselessly and uncritically. :rat-salute:
I know! It's SO GOOD. I couldn't wait to share it here where I knew it would be appreciated. Am I going to have to start going to gun shows just so I can hear the good shit directly?
I’m going to tell people there are mini tunnels and mini nuclear subs with tiny nukes so they can shoot out of toilets. 07 thank you US navy you are our poop protectors!
Are the tunnels wide enough for two subs to pass?
They're tall enough for them to pass one under the other, obviously
Where did this grid of rivers come from? Were they just naturally found in America, or were they build after WW2? Since rivers are waterways that tend to have lots of settlements/towns/cities/etc by them, how would they have been build with nobody noticing?
I'll expect this person's essay by Friday, minimum 5 pages single spaced.
Isn't it grand? What on earth would you do with that much dirt and rock to create such a massive complex of tunnels? I can't even imagine how much it would add up to.
My eyes lit up like a child's on Christmas when he started telling me his story.
I know a guy that's a nuclear sub operator. This would explain a lot actually.
He'll probably lie. You need to start out with something sneaky like "how was Wichita?"
This is why submarines have sonar, there's no light in the tunnels
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tunnel_and_Reservoir_Plan
👁️
also the ICBMs should come up through manhole covers. Pencil dick missiles for the remaining American leadership young enough to get it up
Oh shit, you might be on to something! There's a submarine at the Museum of Science and Industry, after all.
And I love the idea of ICBMs coming up through manholes.
:geordi-no: Alligators in the sewers.
:geordi-yes: Nuclear submarines in the sewers.Across 30 years of construction, over $3 billion has been spent on the project.
Just wanna point out that that's less than half a percent of the annual military budget. If we skipped one year of military funding, we could fund over 200 projects of that scale for the next 30 years.
oh of course. that's like a year and a half of CPD funding across 30 years of construction, peanuts
All the public transport money and energy went to public transport for nuclear submarines.
You got my hopes up and then surpassed my wildest dreams! Incredible, no notes! :fidel-salute-big:
It brings me great shame, but I'm a former submariner for the Empire. I cannot imagine what the brain scans of someone who believes this uncritically look like and what anyone could imagine the fucking point of a submarine in a tunnel.
There are no windows on a submarine, how would you possibly navigate? What are you doing down there? Depending on what kind of sub you're on, like 99% percent of it just relies on the ocean being massive and you being somewhere unknown in the middle of it.
The fact that you heard this in person is incredible. Haven't heard something like this offline in quite a while.
Imagine trying to use sonar in a tunnel and all the distortion from the echos. Imagine trying to make a 90° turn at one of the junctions.
Isn't it great? The whole point of having submarines is to be able to 1)destroy other ships in the ocean and 2) still destroy the world in vengeance if the USA is hit by a first strike nuke and can't get any nukes in the sky in return. Putting the subs in tunnels below the US defeats both of these purposes. I love it so much.
