It's ruining my life. And the irony is it's the only way to dissociate from bad things. At least it seems like that's the only way. Feels like the snake that eats its own tail.
Edit: thank you all for the good advice and support. It means a lot. I love my comrades. 
Yeah I forgot to add based upon how much you drink I would advise stopping without consulting a doctor as you could get the DTs and or seizures. Hence why I mentioned rehab because you might need medical assistance to quit.