- cross-posted to:
- memes
- cross-posted to:
- memes
Please keep in mind that the Volcel meme exists largely for the comfort of our ace or otherwise do-not-want-to-hear-about-sex comrades. Please be courteous and use content warnings and spoilers where appropriate.
No, because you do experience attraction and sounds like you want to act on it, but experience grave anxiety once you come close to that. I'd say that's worth talking to a therapist about, and isn't related to sexual orientation.
I have been in one relationship. I was 14 or 15, she was my classmate, and just a good friend. She and her best friend were both good friends of mine. We hung out daily. At some point I asked her out, and nothing changed fundamentally in the relationship (mostly because we were kids, tbh). We were functionally friends. I broke up with her three months later because I "didn't feel anything", at the time I thought I didn't feel anything special for her because of my depression at the time. But that wasn't the case, I just don't feel anything for people beyond friendship. I asked her out because I thought it was what I was supposed to do (related terms: allonormativity/forced heterosexuality)
Ask yourself: would you act on your feelings if you didn't experience "shame, anxiety, inadequacy and rejection"? If so, I'd say that you're straight, but have some mental issues you need to work on. Which is okay, and you're def not alone in.
Yeah, I ask myself that all the time, and I think the answer is kinda yes. I say kinda because in these past few years my whole life has been built around the expectations and demands of someone who's completely alone. Am I okay with being alone? Am I alone or lonely? How can I be sure? I'm very therapized, but this and my phobias have always been a sore spot that I couldn't manage to fully deal with. I'm currently seeking a new therapist after being with the same one for more than five years, but the financial commitment is out of my reach right now.
You know, one of the biggest problems I have in my situation is that I often feel very lonely, not in not having a partner, but rather in being seemingly the only person in my social context who has no interest in seeking sex and love. I hate it that pretty much 95% of all pop culture seems to revolve around either sex or violence, two things I'm averse to in real life. The thing is, I'm desensitized only to violence in media. Stories about sex and intimacy make my skin crawl. I'll gleefully watch John Wick kill five hundred henchmen, but show me people kissing as the emotional peak of a story and I'll cringe. Fucking weird.
Anyways, thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts. It means a lot to me to know that I'm not surrounded by horndogs even in the online spaces I frequent.
That's why I like this site and the usage of the CWs for sexual things, as OP stated. In an allosexual society, even though people view me/my posts that way, this site is the closest to an ace-friendly space.
I never cringe at sex or kissing scenes, I just never understood their need until I understood that most people want to do those things and incorporate those actions in their relationships and emotional bonding with others, I.e. until I understood I'm aroace. Some ppl are sex-repulsed and hate those things, though.
Me appreciating the dialectics of enjoying classic rock but desperately wanting them to stop singing "baby baby love me have sex with me"
I just appreciate lyrics like that in the same way that I enjoy abstract art. I don't understand it, but it sounds nice.
a fun period in my life was when I lurked in places such as r/foreveralone because of being lonely and thinking "I'm around that age now, I might be looking for a relationship soon", in addition to feeling... something for a classmate. It wasn't a desire to commit sexual acts, or a romantic relationship as I now understand it. Not sure, I think I just wanted to become friends or something. I'm not able to tell in hindsight.
But alas, I thought I needed/wanted it. The pattern repeated itself a couple of times, even to the unfortunate event of "confessing" my "feelings" to someone and thankfully getting rejected. Eventually, I think I stumbled upon the ace subreddit and found myself relating to it. I wasn't even surprised/in denial, just accepted it without much hassle. The road to self-discovery is definitely one full of potholes.
Even then, I still have self-doubts that I'm only just faking it or it's a question of my mental health or something. Oh well.
Still, I'm a sucker for romance in fiction despite all that.
Parts of this are very relatable. And yeah, I like romance in fiction too - specifically BL though.