Ok I got married about a year ago so I can at least speak to why I made that decision. I agree with you that the institution is problematic, sexist, and backwards -- why is a long-term state recognition of my relationship (and all the associated financial benefits) only applicable to a romantic partnership? Why is it normal to get 'sealed' to your sex buddy but not your other buddies? I have more forever people than just my husband...

That said, as a woman, marriage made sense mostly because of the social pressure. I was tired of dealing with the questions about my relationship and its legitimacy. Getting married didn't create legitimacy, but it stopped the questions and the judgement. Did I cave to a bullshit culture that pressures women into marriage? Sure, I guess, but I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man anyway. It was also easier to get a mortgage, easier to deal with health insurance, etc. I wanted to take steps to ensure that my parents would not be able to make medical decisions for me if I became incapacitated, and it was easier to get married than to go through appointing POA. I like wearing a wedding ring because sometimes being friendly is misconstrued as flirting and it's easy to get into an awkward situation just by being nice. Also it's shiny.

Inconsistent sharing of responsibilities -- I think you mean that women do more emotional and physical labor associated with housekeeping? We do "each according to their abilities, each according to their needs" in our house. I make more money and pay for more things so he does more of the house stuff. I'm sick a lot and he takes care of me. I don't know what to say about it other than relationships are always unequal, not just marriages, but that's normal.

That's not a super thought out response but that's what immediately came to mind...

My partner and I see and experience each other kind like strands of a twin helix. They are so much more than just a friend or a sex outlet to me and vice versa, and reducing them to either as a comparison to other people feels like it’s coming from a place of ignorance. Both of us understand its roots in patriarchy and reification in capitalism, and so we do what we can do quarantine and eliminate those influences in our marriage experience. For us, it’s not like a rote participation in a toxic institution — it’s a sort of fantastic and almost whimsical agreement with one another to be each other’s helix in life. I’m sure that can give us blindspots of experiencing other aspects of life, but right now neither of care at all, because we’re doing this together in a way we both want to

I want to have a wedding. I like weddings. That’s most of my opinion.

As an institution? My spouse and I both dislike it

But in the US at least, a lot of legal rights are locked behind it. For instance, if you're unconscious in a hospital bed, your partner won't be allowed in to see you. If medical decisions need to be made from there, your partner will have no say in them whatsoever. If an immediate family member shows up - regardless of what kind of relationship you have with them - they will get to decide by default

I'm married, and actively polyamorous, as is my partner. So you can totally be married and do all of the things that marriage means to you and whoever you're married to, while also bucking all of the historically problematic things that marriage used to mean.

To us marriage doesn't mean that I own my partner, or that I prioritize my partner over other people or myself, or anything like that. It's a personal commitment we have made to each other to work together on life and to solve life's problems together, and that's basically what it means for us. It's helpful from a legal perspective to be married to the person I've committed to doing those things with, but we both agree that it's not required for us. We don't necessarily think we're each other's forever person. We have committed to trying to be though; to growing together when we can, to challenging each other when we can't, and to creating and executing on long term plans as partners as long as those plans help enrich both of our lives. We also have other people we do some of those things with too despite being married.

So basically like most things, if you remove all of the historically problematic things behind them, and make it what you need to make it, then I think it's fine on a personal level.

All of the problems with (normal people) marriage today are basically problems of patriarchy. But married people can build an anti-patriarchal household without those issues.

It’s primarily an economic arrangement. Championing it a metric of virtuosity is mostly just vibes.

kinda antiquated as a concept but there's a lot of legal baggage tied to it, and (more importantly) i like having access to it to spite conservative christians

R.O.T.O.R. has a thoughtful scene about this, right before the robotic cop kills for the first time

yes if it's vibe. No for economics

I'm still pretty young, but my image of marriage is very colored by a pretty abusive relationship I was in with someone who wanted to be 'with me forever' (to the point where it would be unacceptable for me to remarry if they died). As a result of this the process of being forever tied down with anyone is veryyyy terrifying to me because I have to assume it'll be in a situation like that.

Reading the other stories people have posted here though I'm really glad it works for some people. Being able to actually have someone I can life partner with would be nice but I think it's pretty unlikely I've met that person yet.

I dropped a duece earlier... anyway... hmmmf...