Christians making the devil sound cooler and cooler by the day...
is the devil a polymath
One thing I've noticed with demonology stuff is that demons always have, like, a weird mix of things they can teach people.
For example this what the Psuedomonarchia Daemonum has to say one demon, gaap will do if you summon him:
But yet I will not hide this; to wit, that he maketh a man woonderfull in philosophie and all the liberall sciences: he maketh love, hatred, insensibilitie, invisibilitie, consecration, and consecration of those things that are belonging unto the domination of Amaymon [for context this means that he teaches you how to prepare the dead so a necromancer can't raise them], and delivereth familiars out of the possession of other conjurors, answering truly and perfectly of things present, past, & to come, & transferreth men most speedilie into other nations,
Edit: forgot to mention my favourite one, Caim/Caym who teaches you how to make animal noises but also debate well and predict the future:
he maketh the best disputers, he giveth men the understanding of all birds, of the lowing of bullocks, and barking of dogs, and also of the sound and noise of waters, he answereth best of things to come
Caim/Caym who teaches you how to make animal noises but also debate well and predict the future:
Alright fuck it, I'm a satanist. Atheism may be logically correct but I can't talk to animals or predict the future.
/serious head for a second.
Demonology =/= satanism.
Demonology like this is essentially a 16th century LARP and manuscripts like the Psuedomonarchia Daemonum aren't religious texts but instead lore books.
Do satanists not have demons? I figured their lore would be an outcropping of these early modern DnD nerds.
Satanism can largely be split into two groups:
Atheistic satanism doesn't even have the devil but rather uses imagery invoking Satan as an edgelord rejection of Christian hierarchy. It's why you get groups like the Church of Satan who are mostly into extolling the virtues of individualism rather than worshiping Satan.
Theistic satanism does have Satan as a central religious figure but more is focused (typically) on the idea of Satan as a Prometheus figure, tormented for teaching mankind free will. Theistic satanism is typically not as organised as atheistic satanism but there are a few new age cults like the Order of the Nine Angles.
Out of both groups, I'm unaware of any belief in individual demons.
it's the inverse Pascal's Wager: sure, there's no evidence that demons exist, but what if you're wrong? if demons existed who could give you those abilities, you wouldn't want to be among the fools who don't believe in them! you have nothing to lose and everything (talking to animals and predicting the future) to gain!
Getting fired from working at a guide dog training centre because you keep wrecking those liberal snowflake puppies in debates on CRT (the woke mob has cancelled you again).
It was with these skills that Satan was able to create the comically large spoon
In Hell's therapist office
Satan: so, tell me about your mother.
Me: * sigh * she sucks cocks in hell?
Satan: Mmhmmm
