Joe Biden is the greatest man to ever run for President. He is our Messiah. He is logic and reason given physical form. He is a Civil Rights Champion. He is a War Hero. He is a Bipartisan Juggernaut who will forge the foundation of a glorious One World Government where we all agree to disagree but work together toward Neoliberal Utopia.

You people think you are voting for a man. Nah. You are voting for A GOD. This ballot is not a thing that shall determine whether Joe Biden is ascendant. Biden's ascendancy is made manifest by the Will Of The Popular Vote. No. This is a choice you make within yourself. It is an opportunity to wash your soul clean from the sins of Failing Hillary. If you do not perform The Vote as penance, you will never receive Absolution, and the God King Biden shall turn his gaze from you. You shall be cast into the fiery pit of Venezuela where you shall await the coming Judgement Day. In the Battle of Armageddon, between the Nightmare King of Xi Jinping Thought and the Holy Christ-King Anointed by our Glorious Federal Reserve Chairman, all shall be called a final time to stand on the Capital Hill. There your wickedness will be judges and your fate sealed for All Eternity.

What weighs on your heart is the evils of idolatry, the sin of pride, the hubris instilled in one not old enough to get a Real Job and take care of one's self. I have called three times. I have begged you to cast them aside. My pleas have fallen on deaf ears. Now I must join the Disciples of Biden. I no longer have time for your earthly vices, your carnal venality, your sloth, or your envy. My soul is free from guilt and my body is free to travel to Him Who Shall Triumph.

Know that I have grown beyond you, petty creature of self-delusion. When I am gone, you will never replace my tender heart or my inspired wisdom. You shall grow weak and frail and become dust, while I shall grow only more luminous in my virtue until I am Light Itself.

So good bye, BernieBros. Good bye until we see each other again on the Capital Hill on Judgement Day. I do not relish knowing you have doomed yourself. I only pray to Biden Most High that your time in Venezuela will bring you the wisdom that you now so clearly lack.

This is the end for us.

I'm leaving.

I don't even care who you vote for.

I'm just going to leave this flier here on your doorstep.

I don't even care if you read it.

Biden was totally going to do the GND, but you blew it.

Getting in my car now.

Everything that happens next is your fault.

(but if you come around and want to phone bank or donate or something there's information on how to do that on the flier good bye for real this time byeeeeeeeee)