I know this is weird but it's not begging for attention it's an existential dread about passing unnoticed. I love you all and I wouldn't want my passing to go unnoticed, like most Americans I don't have adequate access to healthcare and there's more than a few of you whose absence I would mourn. Don't worry I'm not thinking of self harm it's just a thing that I think about sometimes and I feel I'm probably not alone.
When I lived alone, I used to wonder how long I could be dead before anyone checked on me. And I have a loving family and good friends, but it's not like I see them every day. So how long would it have taken people at work to go from "no call no show? how irresponsible." to "is she OK?"