Hey folks, how's the fam? How are you?
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Doing some housekeeping, missed your request to be on the ping list @goose@hexbear.net!
I have a habit of saying sorry unnecessarily and my toddler has picked up on this habit and will apologize for everything and I'm struggling to explain that they don't have to apologize almost ever... They'll figure it out
This is how we shape ourselves into our best selves - trying to avoid our kids from picking up our most annoying habits lol
Man isn't that the truth, nothing will pull coal into the willpower furnace like having yourself reflected back at you via your kids.
So true. Realizing something is probably bad for me because i instinctually hide it from my kid
We are finally deciding to switch the oldest over to proper ADHD meds. He's having a hard time paying attention when we are talking to him and he's misbehaving to the point where it's physically harming our youngest. He's pretty crazy throughout the day but sometimes after 6 he gets the actual fucking zoomies and just runs and leaps all over the place. Our living room chair spins and has basically just become a giant fidget toy to him and it drives me fucking nuts.
Our youngest has picked up screaming at us based on our oldest picking up screaming about shit who picked it up from me who happens to have anger issues and can have fairly violent autistic meltdowns. I'm not happy about it or the fact that it's trickled down to my kids. I'm trying to be more zen about things and calmer with both but it fucking sucks and it makes me feel like a failure.
Our youngest is also hopefully getting enrolled in daycare this week. It's a bit late but my partner just got a new job teaching at a different school and getting paid 10k more a year. It's gonna cost around $6k for the year but after this he will be old enough for public school. It sucks but I can't watch him full time and also work on getting the freelance thing off the ground at the same time.
I started handing out business cards today. I still don't feel ready but I feel like if I wait until I'm "ready" for clients I'll never get there. I got a demo site up and sort of wanna share it on Hexbear for criticism but might just focus on cleaning up the business site instead. I am gonna hit it hard in the next few weeks once school starts. I built this demo in 3-4 days with only a few hours each day so that is a sort of baseline. I know it will be a bit rougher with clients but starting out I'm hoping for maybe 2 a month until I get things smoothed out anyway. So a week to do the site and a week to clean it up sounds feasible. I'm just hoping I can finally get out of this rut and stop feeling like a deadbeat father.
Our oldest is seeing a doctor in a couple of days about getting an ADHD diagnosis. Although some of it is normal teenager stuff, they tick all the boxes for hyperactive ADHD, they are impulsive, never thinks anything through, can't focus, makes a mess everywhere they go, can't wait their turn for anything, don't do chores unless you micromanage them constantly, can't ever stay still or quiet and thinks any type of school work or reading is boring. I love my kids and our oldest is a wonderful kid; funny, kind, talented, brave, but they take up so much space and energy, often to the detriment of their younger siblings, leading to lots of stupid conflicts.
We talked with our GP about getting them diagnosed last year but she advised against it, saying that then it would "go on their record". I feel we should have insisted back then and in retrospect it is hard to see how having a "record" of ADHD would be a bigger albatross around their neck than having untreated ADHD. Besides, if it somehow lowers their risk of becoming a cop or a troop, the only professions that seems to care about this, later in life then that's honestly fine with me.
I didn't get my own (inattentive) ADHD diagnosed until my 30's and I often wonder if early treatment and management could have saved me from a lot of the pain and heartbreak I experienced along the way because things that seemed easy to most people was hard or impossible for me to do. If I can spare my kid that I would be happy.
We're kind of worried about the school stuff as well. Our oldest has a really annoying "too cool for school" attitude and they get bored with everything there and we have a hard time getting her to understand that it is important to get an education if they don't want to work shit jobs for shit wages all their life. I suspect that this comes from the ADHD as that tends to intensify feelings of boredom and "this is boring" or "the teacher is stupid" are easier things for them to believe than admitting that focusing and paying attention is hard for them.
So my wife has inattentive ADHD and our kid def has the hyperactive flavor. Wife was also late diagnosed lol. I got the ASD and we suspect that our youngest is showing some signs but don't wanna jump to conclusions lol.
Our oldest is so damn smart too. He wasn't so much bored in pre-k as much as he needed to be told that he wasn't the teacher. But you just sort of gave me a glimpse into a potential future and if meds can help him then I'm gonna do it. Gonna monitor him of course and adjust or change as needed. I hope you can get your oldest diagnosed properly. Doctors seems to give any bullshit excuse they can to avoid diagnosing a neurodivergent person.
We talked with our GP about getting them diagnosed last year but she advised against it, saying that then it would "go on their record"
The fact that doctors like this still exist drives me up a wall. I know you know this but how could this be a negative is beyond me. The kid, with a diagnoses, is afforded accommodations under the law. That 504 plan carries with them to college, which is also required to accommodate under the law. Work, if you want to disclose this to them, are required to provide you reasonable accommodations under the ADA.
So, remember, your kid with a diagnoses is entitled to accomodations by the school. Medication is also going to go a long way to make your kid feel like they can actually do the work.
I suspect that this comes from the ADHD as that tends to intensify feelings of boredom and "this is boring" or "the teacher is stupid" are easier things for them to believe than admitting that focusing and paying attention is hard for them.
Its a multifold thing I think. I was regularly belittled by some teachers, claiming I didn't care about the work or that I was lazy. Regularly shamed in front of the class. At home the rhetoric was similar, about being lazy. However, sometimes it also felt like I already knew where a lesson was going, I was thinking faster then the teacher was presenting, leaving me feeling like nothing was moving fast enough.
Having their condition documented with the school should ease this, hopefully providing them with additional time, resources, etc.
Getting them assessed now is going to be huge for them.
Daycare is a real game changer. ADHD meds should also be a game changer. One of my friend's kids has ADHD and was recently put on medication and they said their kiddo is so much happier as a result.
I can empathize with what your going through. I have pretty aggressive ADHD, and given its hereditary nature I worry about my kids inheriting it, and all that comes with it. I also worry about them picking up my bad tenancies that stem from my ADHD.
After our second I needed to talk with someone and try to get myself in order because it was very overwhelming.
I'm sure easier days are ahead though, hang on there!
I'm sure easier days are ahead though, hang on there!
Struggling but trying lol. I think we got one pretty rough year or so until things start to fall into place.
Same, but for us its financial more then anything. For 2 kids full time daycare literally costs like 30k a year where I'm at. Granted, it covers all food, which is great, but we need more space and that isn't happening while these kids are pulling that much out the paycheck.
Frog and Toad on AppleTV is a dope show based on great classic books.
Also kid2 is finally good enough to drink from a bottle/sippy cup. Makes car rides so much easier.
He's also got no fear when climbing stuff and we now have to be very aware of all the climbable stuff in his area... Thankfully we have a little climbing bridge thing from when Kid2 was that age. I'm also convinced he just doesn't care about walking. I think this kid could walk but just has decided not to lol.
Mine is close to 3 and still lacks the confidence to try climbing a lot. Loves the little zipline here and goes so fast on it. They clearly have the muscle strength but are so cautious still even with walking up a slight incline.
Not worried but i see younger kids doing so much more and wonder if it's just me projecting or if my kid's scared or something
Yeah we've had a Pikler since Kid1 was born and as soon as she could crawl she was trying to climb it. So we just kept it a regular feature of our play space. I'm sure they'll come to it in their own time.
The old nap is dying, the full day awake struggles to be born.
Now is the time of cranky toddlers
I wonder if that's happening here. Kid2 skipped a nap Friday, was fine yesterday, struggled to fall asleep today. Good luck to you!
My little one's best buddy finally moved this weekend. Bit of a sad time - I think we're all physically and emotionally drained from nonstop weekly play dates until now. Hopefully she'll have some good early memories - we'll certainly remember these kids being goofballs together (and arguing like siblings lol)
Today I learned: For some kids who are just getting ready to walk, you can give them items for them to hold in each hand (two blocks, balls, whatever) and it will kind of "trick" them into attempting to stand, in the same way them holding your hand or finger gives them the confidence to be on their feet / do a little walking.
