I noticed a trend in some online interview show recently where hosts ask guests to bark like a dog. I really bristle at that, it would be tough to convince me you don't want to just laugh at me.
I went to Ren Faire for the first time recently, and had a hard time picking an outift to wear because I didn't want to stand out as no-fun, or as being enthusiastic but failing in execution. once I was there of course it was easy to see what an appropriate outfit is.
anyone had similar experiences/thoughts? I realized that I'm averse to being intentionally silly.
it feels like I've had to work hard in my life to not be unintentionally silly or weird (masking), so situations that ask "hey, be weird" leave me very guarded at first.
I didnt feel it this strong in the past, I think finishing school and working a "serious" corporate job has really taken its toll.
Yeah, I'm almost 40 and wasn't diagnosed as a kid or anything. So my mask was 30+ years strong and I genuinely have no fucking clue who I am sometimes because of it. All kinds of things I thought I enjoyed were really just me participating in other people's hobbies as a way to blend in or whatever. I was also in the army and that fucked me up real good when it came to acting goofy or whatever. Plus there are a lot of things around gender/masculinity that I was trying to perform properly, but the reality is I'm non-binary and just didn't understand it because of the autism...idk, it's a whole fucking mess and sometimes I really wish I could go back and never figure this out at all.
Corporate jobs insert a boss right into your head somehow. And it never really goes away
That's why Roland Barthes' speech about "killing the cop in your head" is so inspiring.