So I've been in a relationship for a while where it feels like I am much better at navigating my partner's feelings and supporting them in hard times than they are for me. I'll give a recent example of what I mean, and here I should put a content warning for a deceased pet.
My partner's last childhood dog recently passed away, she was getting pretty old and was in failing health for a bit. When she died it wasn't a terrible shock but it was very sad. My partner got some remembrances from the cremation and upon receiving them was very upset. They didn't want to just hide the remembrances away somewhere because it felt disrespectful but also couldn't deal with it at that time. So I stepped in, said, OK, I'll take them, they're going to be kept out in the open, not hidden, but I will hold them for you until you're ready to reach a more permanent solution. Pretty good response if you ask me.
Now flip the script, say I'm the one in need. My partner doesn't have anything other than cliches or proposed solutions to my problems that clearly aren't well thought out and are effectively useless. I feel very unsupported emotionally a lot of the time.
But it isn't just this relationship. I feel this throughout my life. I've wondered at times if this is a performed gender roles sort of thing. I'm a man and nobody has said to me directly "you're a man just don't have problems lmao" but it does at times feel like we are dancing around that implication. I don't know. Just curious if other people have experienced this because I'm sick of needing to be the mature party in my relationships. If I cut off everyone that made me feel this way I'd be alone.
I don't know if there's any way to "fix" this situation but I spent nearly twenty years (with some large gaps) in an asymmetrical relationship like this and it really fucked me up. If it's causing you pain you might do better to look elsewhere. After a very long healing process I've started dating again and found some far more empathetic and caring people (also all queer and ND, take that as you will). I'm not saying cut everyone off but maybe start looking for new people that don't suck. If you're even a little bit queer try going to local queer events and meeting people. I was in the closet forever due to my abusive straight-passing relationship destroying my will to live and I've met a lot of cool people that are willing to hang out and talk about our feelings and problems.
Thanks comrade for sharing your experience. I'm definitely afraid that I will talk myself into staying long past the relationship's expiration date. I'm not abused in this relationship but I feel very burdened by it and somewhat unable to be myself. But your overall point to stay open to new relationships of all kinds is well taken and I will do my best to keep engaging, my tendency is unfortunately to shut down when things aren't working which can't solve anything.
Anyway, I hope that you're well and again thanks for sharing your experience with me.