So she's kind of been reluctant in people knowing where she lives. And from my understanding you can just leave if you want but when it comes to her house. And since yeah it's her house I do wonder where the boundary lays. So I am an adult yes and my mom is out right now with my sister taking care of me and staying around the house which has me worried but she said she would be back either Sunday or Monday and I'm planning on taking my chances Sunday. But seriously what is the rules as it comes down to there are cameras my sister has access to so I think she might see me leaving anyway and question me on this. So what exactly are my rights as an adult? Can someone pick me up in the driveway and we just leave together and then come back home? I do think even if I leave and come back home that can show some form of trust and then I can eventually tell my mom what I did when she gets back home. I even hope I can use my recent birthday as an excuse to start dating. But the main point I want to bring up is if I can tell someone where I live and have them pick me up outside the house?
Are you being held prisoner by your family? Why is your sister taking care of you? Why is she watching you with cameras?
There might be a lot of context that explains these things. But just reading your post it sounds like you need counsel or professional help. Take care.
The cameras are on the outside and will send a notification if movement is detected.
This seems like something you all should be discussing in family therapy.
Could we have the whole context please?
Why are you, a 25-year old, without driving licence in a car dependant zone? What do you do as a job? Do you have friends? Do you have hobby where you meet people?
You sound like a prisonner at your mother’s house and your date sounds like a little issue compared to the everything else (like loneliness, no freedom to go where you please, maybe no occupation?, vulnerability to your family ….)
Do you ever leave the house? Like to go to work or the library or to hang out with friends? Just leave as if you're doing one of those things, and then meet your date somewhere.
If you never leave the house, that is something you might consider addressing before you start dating. There can be lots of reasons to leave the house that don't involve an unwitting stranger getting pulled into your rather unique family situation.
How old are you? You’re an adult, but your sister is taking care of you, and you’re worried about your mum finding out you’ve been on a date? What?
What is this? There is some information missing here to make it make sense. Are you part of a restrictive cult? Are you actually 15yo? There must be something else going on here!
My mom is on rehab after an owi so she's out for a month. I don't drive so I have no ability to go out my sister is basically here to make sure the house is okay and I have the things I need.
You seem to be very intentionally dodging the question everybody in this discussion has been asking: Why are you, an adult, being taken care of by a family member?
Aside from very literally answering the question by saying, "Well my sister is taking care of me because Mom is gone," you haven't addressed the subtext of that question: why do you need taking care of at all? Do you have some form of condition that requires you to have a caregiver as an adult?
Please make careful note of sentences I have written that end in question marks ("?")—those answers are important.
I am sorry. You need help that we cannot give on a message board. You need to find a trusted person you can tell your story to. You should ask them for help.
Good luck.
Being trusted in a particular location does not depend on your feelings but on whether or not your behaviour demonstrates that you have earned that trust. Looking for boundaries - how much you can get away with - does not demonstrate you can be trusted, unless you frame it from the other person's perspective, for example you could ask your mom if she's comfortable for dates to pick you up from a few houses down the road, and if not how far out you should go. This lets her set the boundary she's comfortable with and you can gain trust by respecting that boundary and not attempting to push it - in fact go the other way and add 25 yards to it.
Without more information/context, there are not much strangers on the internet can help you. If you're going to go out for the date, make sure to leave some information for your sister or friend, just in case.
"Hey sister I'm going out for a bit will be back by 11"
"Ok"
Like no offense, but you should probably figure out how to communicate with your family before you attempt dating lol
Oh trust me I have tried. My mom tends not to believe that I can find anyone but right now she's gone for an entire month.
Your rights as an adult are that you now get to make your own rules and everyone else has to respect them. But the flipside of that is that you also have to respect everyone else's rules, especially those of a homeowner.
That homeowner might have rules about whether or not you can wear shoes inside, or whether you can smoke inside, etc. When you own your own place you get to make rules like this yourself, and you will be within your rights to expect your visitors, tenants and offspring to abide by them.
If for example you make a rule that says "Don't tell strangers my address" then you would be right to expect your children to abide by that rule.
This is your mom's rule and you have to abide by it. Tell your dates to pick you up and drop you off somewhere nearby without giving away your home address, and when you want to invite them home you need your mom's agreement first, because it's her house and her rules.
BTW the "I want it my way!" attitude is that of a kid not an adult. Grown-ups make agreements and stick to them. If you want different rules you can try to negotiate with her, but you have to accept if she won't change them. There are good reasons for not letting unknown people know your address.
Going through OPs past posts, it's interesting....
I hope you find the help ya need.
You're probably going to have to have a chat with your mum about this because if there's not a good specific reason for her concern, then it would be helpful to you if she could relax on this issue because it's impinging on your ability to enjoy your life as an adult. She should care about that and if she doesn't that tells you something. Ideally you could avoid the whole issue by meeting your date somewhere other than your house, although it will be awkward if you are unable to return home with them at any stage. Can your sister or any of your friends give you a ride to meet your date elsewhere?
A point of confusion I have from your post is whether you're asking about your rights to date people, or just your rights to have them pick you up from the house. As far as dating people is concerned, you say you're 25, you can do what you want neither your Mum nor your sister have any choice about it. You do not have to justify this or use your recent birthday as an excuse for anything because there's nothing to excuse. Whether you want to date people is up to you and you alone.
If your Mum specifically requested that you not bring your date to the house it would be rude to just ignore her, particularly if she has some special reason to be extra careful, but it's also a very strange request for her to make of her 25 year old adult-child so you'll definitely need her to give a pretty good explanation why you shouldn't do this. Similarly, it's a very strange situation to be in that you're worried about your sister watching camera footage of you as some kind of evidence of wrong doing, why is she in a position to do that and why would she want to? How old is she? Such behaviour is bizarre and controlling.
A lot of the details of your post sound like you've been living in strange and possibly abusive circumstances where your mother and sister are putting a lot of effort in to monitoring and controlling you, which they do not any rights to do. In most places I know of, a person is legally an "adult" at 18 years of age, how long have they been doing this to you? Were you allowed friends and relationship in school? What about afterwards at work or university?
Do you want to continue living with your mother? It might be a good idea to start gaining some more independence in your life so you can safely choose to live in a different arrangement if you want to. No offence, but the way you write does sound strangely young and naive for a 25 year old, especially the idea that you need to have either your mother or your sister around to look after you. Do you have friends that know about your living arrangements? Do you know many people outside of your house? If you tried to make friends and spend time with them, is that something your mother would try to stop you doing? It sounds like you're very isolated and your Mum is keeping it that way on purpose. Unless there's some very specific context that can explain all these details, then it sounds like there's something very wrong about how your family is treating you.
