Caffeine must be one of, if not the, most used drug. It is vital to the operation of more or less every industry.
Pharma companies would already have a caffeine equivalent that would be only slightly different in structure so it would circumvent the law. It would then be sold at exorbitant prices and people would still pay even with the side effect of sometimes you eat someone's face. Of course they would then sell you something else to stop the side effects. You would also have the caffeine purists who would start their own speak easies and organized crime. People "abiding by the law" would start calling the purist, plants, since that is where caffeine is coming from, while the synthetic caffeine users would be called zombies for the obvious face eating reasons. This whole thing would cause even greater divides between already split countries leading to all out war. WWIII plants vs zombies.
This comment was amazing to come across and I look forward to the film adaptation.
I think once upon a time alcohol was illegal somewhere? That's what would happen. And I'd totally join a mafia
This is the real answer. When they illegalized a drug that was already widespread and in common use, basically everyone simply became a criminal. There's no reason to think people's natures will have changed enough to suddenly want to be law-abiding citizens, easpecially when they're on ceffeine withdrawl.
I don't think it would be as widespread though, since you need specific caffeine producing plants in order to get it, as opposed to alcohol which can be made from just about anything. The growth and distribution would probably be more like Marijuana, if 90% of the country were addicted to it (so insanely expensive and a whole lot of also caffeine-dependent cops being paid off).
It is definitely not the right answer.
I can make wine, to prevent me from making wine you'd have to make literally every fruit illegal, and even then there are millions of wild apple trees in my country that you'd have to cut down. It's impossible to prevent people from making alcohol.
In contrast to that, you can't grow anything that produces caffeine in my country. I'd have to import it, and checking mail in customs is a hell of a lot easier than checking the vast areas of empty forest to see if I'm illegally growing apples.
Pretty much the same as with every illegal product. It would move to black market because as long as there is demand there will always be a supply.
I can't imagine some shady guy in a street corner saying "I've got the stuff" and it's just fucking coffee beans 💀
Right?! That’s almost as crazy as some shady guy selling a plant.
Yup, people would be growing beans in their backyard like weed plants, and people would be learning to roast their own shit lol
Any government which makes caffeine illegal must be prepared to enforce that law with mass violence, or let it be ignored.
Given how unlikely your average cop is going to enforce a law they regularly brea... Oh, nevermind. Yeah it'd be a shit show. Demonstrations, arrests, black markets, the whole nine yards.
This eventual solution would likely bring to mind Bunny Colvin's "paper bag" speech from the wire
Somewhere back in the beginning of time, this district had itself a civic dilemma of epic proportions. The city council had just passed a law that forbade alcoholic consumption in public areas; on the streets and on the corners. But the corner is, it was and it always will be the poor man's lounge. It's where a man wants to be on a hot summer's night. It's cheaper than a bar. Catch a nice breeze and watch the girls go on by. But the law is the law so what are the western cops gonna do? They arrest every dude for tipping back a High Life, there'd be no time for any other kind of police work. And if they look the other way, they open themselves up to all kinds of flaunting, all kinds of disrespect. Now, this is before my time but somewhere back in the 50's or the 60's, there was a moment of goddamn genius by some nameless smokehound who comes out the Cut-Rate one day and on his way to the corner he slips that just bought pint of elderberry into a paper bag. A great moment of civic compromise. That small wrinkled ass paper bag allowed the corner boys to have their drink in peace and gave us permission to go and do police work. The kind of police work that's actually worth the effort, that's actually worth taking a bullet for.
Michael Pollen wrote a audible book about how modern capitalism wouldn't have been possible without the invention of the light bulb and the abundance of caffeinated beverages as it facilitated a 24 hour economy. Literally titled Caffeine: How Caffeine Created the Modern World.
So what would happen if the government illegalized caffeine? I'd say they'd be more likely to prohibit literally any other drug including alcohol and tobacco. But if I were to indulge this hypothetical scenario, I'd say other new stimulants without any legal status would be invented to replace caffeine.
Wow, that weirdly explains why the 40 hour workweek has always made me suffer so much - caffeine doesn't affect me, so I've never gotten an energy boost from it.
I would classify the effects of caffeine as more anti-drowsy than energy-boosting but maybe that is just semantics.
I haven’t had any caffeine in my diet for nearly 2 months now and I feel amazing.
I'm pretty sure you're right. Without looking it up to correct myself I'm pretty sure caffeine blocks receptors for the tired stuff.
chocolate
soft drinks
and a few more things (and of course, all other products with chocolate in them. ice cream, candy bars etc)
would also be illegal.
I would have a bad headache for a few days, but I would probably power through and not resolve to illegal purchases.
I'm the government's bitch.
You think Starbucks has been ruthless against the SBU? Turning them into a drug cartel would mean they go 1900s Pinkertons on them.
Like "you get a fine" illegal, or "you go to jail" illegal, or "Judge Dredd executes you in the street for possessing stimulants" illegal? If the punishment is light or the risk is low, many people probably just keep using it, like alcohol during Prohibition. If there's a harsh punishment and the risk of actually being punished is high, there might be riots.
