I cannot get over my fear the non-existence after death. Every time I think about it all my feelings start bubbling up and I get depressed. It's terrifying thinking about non-existence, it fills me with so much dread
You said, all your feelings start bubbling up. So that sounds like more feelings come to the foreground other than existential dread. Maybe those are important too. In that case you could ask yourself what kind of feelings those are and maybe try to just sit with them and notice how they go away or become less intense after a while.
Existentialist philosophy recommends accepting existential dread/anxiety/absurdity as the only way to live an authentic, free life in which we might eventually build our own meaning. Monist philosophies (like mystic tendencies) emphasize the interconnectedness of things and maybe find comfort in seeing separation as an illusion.
Any way, accepting your feelings without judgement is good in general. And like others said, mindfulness based meditation might help.
Disclaimer: in case of existing traumas, mindfulness meditation can be dangerous to try alone, as it might cause people to relive their trauma. And in case of depression, it might not be enough on its own without cognitive behavioral therapy or addressing underlying causes.
Psychedelics can help, but may also make it worse depending on how you approach them and react to them.
But there's some efficacy for psychedelic use by terminally ill people for similar problems.
Helped me somewhat, although I occasionally still redose when the cobwebs start forming.
Researching near death experiences (NDEs) helped me a ton with this. It's anecdotal evidence so it's weak but if you stack it all up from across history and cultures it starts to paint a fuzzy picture. I don't think death means non existence anymore. We don't fully understand what awaits us but from what little I've heard, it's a very nice place we go to.
Don't forget to not to search these things compulsively, or it might lead into other issues.
The only thing I’ve found that numbs this feeling is one that also numbs everything else - depression.
But then that leads to other issues, especially, you know, suicidal thoughts. So, it’s not a solution.
Best to just focus on your loved ones. I don’t even follow this advice myself tho lol.
For me, reading nihilist/pessimist philosophy gives me a lot of "only way out is through" relief.
Same. Your animal brain wants to survive and your analytical brain has clocked that at some point that is impossible. Your animal brain may panic as it looks in vain for a solution. It’s future tripping over an unsolvable problem so I try not to think about it much. I am going to take the suggestion below to try meditation.
If you meditate right, seeking insight rather than temporary escape/pain numbing, you should ultimately come to the realization that all your experiences are “empty” and lacking depth or fixedness. When you understand that attachment leads to suffering and embracing transience lessens it, you may no longer fear losing your “self” (which does not exist as a solid entity). Fear of death can be used as fuel to seek “dying before you are dead.” You can be thankful for the miracle of being and live the rest of your life in contentment before all experience ceases.
I'm quite the opposite, it relaxes me to think about that, though I'm pretty sure consciousness is consciousness and we're all the same thing, so essentially we're infinite.
yeah i have this too, ever since i was a little kid and i first came into contact with death.
i haven't found any reasonable way of coping but i hope you can make peace with it eventually.
Meditate or something (I know existential dread well and I know that’s not immediately appealing idk)
Don't sweat death too much. If we are in a many worlds universe, which I highly suspect we are Then you can't die.
Worst case, death is real for you. And all it's like is how it was like before you were born. When you think of how it was like before you were born, is it scary? Or is it nothing?
I'll tell you what helped me, but... it needs a big caveat, which I'll get to.
What helped me was the idea that "it's okay to be scared." Just let the fear happen, be mindful, watch it come and go, and realize that the fear cannot hurt you.
And now for the caveat. I was too young to correctly follow my own advice. I was only a teenager, I lacked the maturity or life experience to guide myself through the fear I was feeling. I didn't know about meditation or mindfulness. So "it's okay to be scared" gradually turned into "become detached from your own feelings" as the fear lessened and I forgot to keep "letting it happen." This worsened the dissociation I was already experiencing as a young enby egg. Now I'm older and I have a lot of feelings I have dissociated from, including the existential dread I used to feel, and I'm trying to dig up all those old feelings so I can re-process them and finally stop dissociating.
But I want to emphasize, I really do think "it's okay to be scared" is the right call, even if I didn't quite pull it off correctly as a teenager. The solution is to build mindfulness, to slowly develop a little interior space in the back of your mind from which you can watch your feelings come and go without being consumed by them.
Do you feel the same thinking about the time before you were born?
"The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness. Although the two are identical twins, man, as a rule, views the prenatal abyss with more calm than the one he is heading for." - the opening of Nabokov's Speak, Memory
Before I was born I couldn't conceive of existence nor will I regret it after I'm gone. The idea that because I was ripped from the ether contrasted with the fact that I will one day return, doesn't bring peace to me. I exist and for as long as I do the end of my existence will wrench my gut and bitter my tongue. I hate death and I resent my inevitable march towards it.
It's one of those things that i mull over in my mind quite a bit. I basically live life as if i were to fall over dead the next day, like a lot of my family did. I manage my accounts, make sure my debts are paid, and prepare for a future that, whichhopefully never comes, my wife doesn't have to deal with the mistakes i made in the past. Hemingway said it best, a person dies twice: once in person, and the second the last time they say your name. I'm fine with the first, and doing everything i can to prevent the second.
It’s been a while since I felt like that, though I know what you’re talking about. I think I’ve come to terms with it and have a really healthy outlook now. I don’t want to die or anything, there’s a lot more I want to do and see and learn, but I also don’t fear death whenever it comes. In some ways it will be a relief.
I used to have the same thing! Check out existential OCD and see if Prozac would be good for you.
After a week on Prozac, the thoughts don't even phase me anymore.
