No job prospects. The work I do to support myself is come and go, and im probably gonna miss rent again. The older I get, the less friends it seems I have. None of my hobbies/passions excite me right now and just feel like a pain in the dick when I think about doing them. Every day is the same goddamn routine unless I go stay at my partners place.
It's cold and I hate going out in the cold, so that just compounds stuff further. Everything is dead outside. I'm tired, im always so tired. I can never get enough sleep no matter how much I actually get.
Feels like I'm just existing and I hate it.
The slog is real as fuck. Part of it is your brain being rude and using the depression to make you feel worse. Part of it is the very real problem of shit sucking and being difficult. So remember - you aren't making a mountain out of a molehill. But your brain still isn't making an accurate assessment. It's a helluva dichotomy and I don't have advice other than to keep up with any medication or therapy you've been doing. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. And remember that the world might kinda suck but you, personally, are loved, and this shit isn't your fault or your responsibility to solve on your own.
You should make a big pot of soup. Soup is delicious and it's practically medicinal when the weather is cold and grim.
Made some barley and mushroom soup this weekend, gonna shower and have a bowl of that when I get home