No job prospects. The work I do to support myself is come and go, and im probably gonna miss rent again. The older I get, the less friends it seems I have. None of my hobbies/passions excite me right now and just feel like a pain in the dick when I think about doing them. Every day is the same goddamn routine unless I go stay at my partners place.
It's cold and I hate going out in the cold, so that just compounds stuff further. Everything is dead outside. I'm tired, im always so tired. I can never get enough sleep no matter how much I actually get.
Feels like I'm just existing and I hate it.
i've felt profoundly alienated and unable to connect on basic things lately.
I am having a very hard time finding work, and i'm realizing the world is both worse than i thought, and i'm starting to doubt my willingness to do what it takes to fight it.
I really just want to hide, and spend all day learning and reading what i can, trying to forget people want to destroy me for my identity. I can barely stand going outside lately. I don't find as much joy in anything, i'm often emotionally blunted. I just lost a family member that was dear to me, and maybe that's part of it.. but honestly this has been going on longer than that. it's just getting worse.
i've been forcing myself to go outside and make new connections when I can, and it seems to be helping at least.