The level of intimacy they yearn for is created over months, the sex is usually much earlier. So perhaps part of the problem is that they mentally have the cart before the horse, the order of things that are supposed to happen is incorrect in their heads and therefore they fail the whole dating thing because it doesn’t match with the material reality and issues occur interacting with others over this.
How? Why is this the case? I've thought for such a long time that people in general would prefer to wait for emotional intimacy before engaging in sex for a long-term relationship. When did it become like this?
I think in the past various religious values used to impress a certain amount of prudishness and resistance to sexual relations such that romantic feelings would develop before physicality. Whereas these days those values and the "save yourself for the one you love" attitude fell by the wayside as a result of secularism.
Add on top of that the fact that everyone is horny af and that's mostly normalised as fine and ok and well there you have it. People get physical fairly quickly, within the first 1-14 days, whereas love takes months to develop or people put up barriers to actively avoid developing those romantic feelings after previous negative experiences (self preservation after how much it hurt).
I'm speaking strictly of the west here of course, I don't have enough experience outside of it to say how different things might be elsewhere. I would expect things trend in the same direction outside of the religiously-led countries though.
Biology happens, and I'd still tell people, after significant experience with that: spend the time getting to know someone before sexing them. That hormone rush wears off after about three months, and it's not great to find out you really don't actually like a person you're already sleeping with.
Most people really aren't willing to wait that long before engaging in anything physical. I suspect that people probably suffer a sort of relationship fomo in that they're worried someone else will snag them if they don't start.
How? Why is this the case? I've thought for such a long time that people in general would prefer to wait for emotional intimacy before engaging in sex for a long-term relationship. When did it become like this?
I think in the past various religious values used to impress a certain amount of prudishness and resistance to sexual relations such that romantic feelings would develop before physicality. Whereas these days those values and the "save yourself for the one you love" attitude fell by the wayside as a result of secularism.
Add on top of that the fact that everyone is horny af and that's mostly normalised as fine and ok and well there you have it. People get physical fairly quickly, within the first 1-14 days, whereas love takes months to develop or people put up barriers to actively avoid developing those romantic feelings after previous negative experiences (self preservation after how much it hurt).
I'm speaking strictly of the west here of course, I don't have enough experience outside of it to say how different things might be elsewhere. I would expect things trend in the same direction outside of the religiously-led countries though.
Biology happens, and I'd still tell people, after significant experience with that: spend the time getting to know someone before sexing them. That hormone rush wears off after about three months, and it's not great to find out you really don't actually like a person you're already sleeping with.
Most people really aren't willing to wait that long before engaging in anything physical. I suspect that people probably suffer a sort of relationship fomo in that they're worried someone else will snag them if they don't start.
Yes. After significant experience with that, I would say that's the difference between desperation and confidence.
To illustrate, desperation = pick me, confidence = I'm enough.