Is there any other "sport" so perfectly encapsulating everything shitty about capitalism? It's got everything:

  • Extremely large amounts of nature converted to courses made out of non-indigenous plants that waste water and labor keeping the grass at a constant height
  • Course are owned by tax-dodging private social clubs with hefty membership costs
  • New members have to be approved by the existing membership, so undesirable (read: non-WASP) members of the community can be rejected even if they can meet the economic costs
  • Special discount rates offered for family of current members, ensuring generational wealth and privilege is maintained
  • Most of the workforce is made up of undocumented laborers from Central America who do manual labor in exchange for shitty wages
  • Middle school-age children are employed as off-the-books pack animals so the players don't accidentally do any amount of manual labor
  • Players also have the option of driving little cars (with no safety mechanisms at all) so they don't accidentally get exercise
  • A whole match takes four fucking hours to complete, requiring substantial free time on top of the sunk costs in fees and equipment

Climate destruction, resource waste, tax-dodges, racism, nepotism, illegal and child labor, and extremely high artificial costs for a leisure activity: I can't think of a single more appropriate avatar for capitalism. Well, maybe if there were slaves.

  • MolotovHalfEmpty [he/him]
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    4 years ago

    The only good golf is crazy golf.

    • No wasteful and expensive lawn upkeep or water required.

    • Can be free or cost for whoever wants to play.

    • Colourful and creative with theming and design.

    • Sport as interactive art rather than competition.

    • Completely inclusive for all ages, backgrounds etc.

    • Small scale means they can be fit in anywhere space would otherwise be wasted.

    • Usually made by a niche of small companies and local tradespeople.

    • Anti-elitist. You can be the best person in the world at hitting a brightly coloured ball through a pirate's mouth so it pops out of his behind, but you can't be smug and serious about it.