All the Americans are 10' tall with big swinging dicks between their legs and these flaming red eyes that shoot laser beams. I once saw an American soldier pick up a small car and hurl it like a bowling ball, sending ten of the enemy troops scattering. The soldier did a fist pump and knee kick that was so cool the entire remainder of the unit fighting against them surrendered instantly. That was the smallest and weakest soldier the Americans had brought to the field.

In American military bases, the only thing anyone ever eats are big macs. We don't even have bouvine agriculture in this country, so I'm not sure where the burgers are coming from. I asked a US marine once where their burgers come form and he just shrugged. "I honestly don't know. Wherever we go, there they are. I think its a blessing from God."

I just wish every country could be occupied by American soldiers. Whenever American soldiers are around the air smells sweater, birdsong is everywhere, and there is absolutely no crime for a good two weeks after they arrive because everyone just has such good vibes.

America really is the greatest and bestest country in the world.