(Sidenote: i live in italy and here instead of doing written exams we do mostly spoken ones where you have to orally explain the subject)

I knew i had a latin exam by tuesday. I planned to do all my other homework on friday and saturday morning so i could start focusing on that. Instead on saturday i finished in the evening and i got a depressive moment that lasted all night.

Idk what i did on sunday, cos i spaced out hard. I barely read the first page. And the assignment is several dozen pages + repetition so that i know i can be good and saying it outloud.

Today i didnt go to school so i wanted to focus more on this and i did until i recieved messages that the period was moved by one day. Great right? Yes, but it also put an assignment i didnt already do for tomorrow. Easy enough right, i just do it and get it over with? No. It was this stupid poem analysis thing. I cried. I stared at the page for hours. I wanted to get it over with but i didnt want to put any effort into it.

I asked a friend of mine to pass theirs to me so i could copy a bit and theirs was so much better than mine. Abd i couldnt replicate it cos i just didnt want to and cos i didnt study enough for it to know what it was talking about. So 30 minutes ago at 3 am i sent my teacher this horribly written piece of trash. It was supposed to be an exercise for the final exams this june, and now i feel wholly unprepared scholastically and psychologically. Id go there and cry all day long for the whole 6 hours theyd let us write without a real reason and then send in 3/4 of a page worth of text like i did today.

And so again i have only half a day to learn what i should have done in a week. And then maybe theyll give us more exams later to which i didnt even prepare. And im getting dirty again and i should shower but thats more time taken from study. I hate myself and how much time i waste and now im crying again. I really wish i could live as someon who isnt distracted every 5 seconds and that can focus on one task and complete it without opening yt and losing another hour. I hate myself so much for this. Every time i think well its going to be different this time but its never like that. Ugh.

Sorry for the rant, goodnight <3