(Sidenote: i live in italy and here instead of doing written exams we do mostly spoken ones where you have to orally explain the subject)
I knew i had a latin exam by tuesday. I planned to do all my other homework on friday and saturday morning so i could start focusing on that. Instead on saturday i finished in the evening and i got a depressive moment that lasted all night.
Idk what i did on sunday, cos i spaced out hard. I barely read the first page. And the assignment is several dozen pages + repetition so that i know i can be good and saying it outloud.
Today i didnt go to school so i wanted to focus more on this and i did until i recieved messages that the period was moved by one day. Great right? Yes, but it also put an assignment i didnt already do for tomorrow. Easy enough right, i just do it and get it over with? No. It was this stupid poem analysis thing. I cried. I stared at the page for hours. I wanted to get it over with but i didnt want to put any effort into it.
I asked a friend of mine to pass theirs to me so i could copy a bit and theirs was so much better than mine. Abd i couldnt replicate it cos i just didnt want to and cos i didnt study enough for it to know what it was talking about. So 30 minutes ago at 3 am i sent my teacher this horribly written piece of trash. It was supposed to be an exercise for the final exams this june, and now i feel wholly unprepared scholastically and psychologically. Id go there and cry all day long for the whole 6 hours theyd let us write without a real reason and then send in 3/4 of a page worth of text like i did today.
And so again i have only half a day to learn what i should have done in a week. And then maybe theyll give us more exams later to which i didnt even prepare. And im getting dirty again and i should shower but thats more time taken from study. I hate myself and how much time i waste and now im crying again. I really wish i could live as someon who isnt distracted every 5 seconds and that can focus on one task and complete it without opening yt and losing another hour. I hate myself so much for this. Every time i think well its going to be different this time but its never like that. Ugh.
Sorry for the rant, goodnight <3
idek if i have it, i mean probabyl, but so far it hasnt been fun at all :'c
i've been asking to my mother to do it, but she tells me i should look into it and i dont really have to willpower or knowhow to do it, plus as you can tell i can never find free time
Damn this sounds 100% like me 5 years ago. Especially the crying over homework stuff. My brother does psychiatric intake and from what I've heard you really sound like you have ADHD. I never got diagnosed but I always wish I had, I finished university so it feels unnecessary at this point but it definitely would have changed my life for the better. Honestly fuck that, I should see someone right now.
What's weird though is that there aren't really great mechanisms for diagnosing ADHD in adults - it's basically like "hey I think I have ADHD" and they'll give you cognitive tests, but if you say you have it they pretty much take your word for it. Maybe this is specific to America tho.
Also italian education is the fucking craziest shit, my supposedly "very competitive" high school was NOTHING compared to my friend's liceo linguistico.
Idk it chamges from place to place. Im not bad at it, i have an average of 8.5/10. A lot of people are tryhards but i just try to squeak by
Not really feasable during lockdown... And convincing my parents to pay for them.
I spent about 20 hours sitting at my desk trying to write a paper this weekend. Got about an hour of actual focus in there. I'm so distracted right now it's fucking ridiculous. And by the 10th hour of not making progress I started railing on myself for being a failure and a shitty writer. Shit sucks usually, but even more so with covid.
Anyway, as I continue to look for ways to focus and not hate myself for spacing I hope that you can find the same. Stick in there comrade :heart-sickle:
I wasted three days spacing out and just wasting time doing nothing rather than write a single paragraph for my job. I don't know if it's the looming climate threat, the fall of neoliberal capitalism, or impending food shortages that are really just making it hard for me to care about work. Or maybe I just don't like my job.
no need to apologize, reaching out to vent when you need to is always a good thing.
when I get worked up about school I like to reflect back on past experiences where I've been really upset about similar things. most of the time I realize I've almost completely forgotten about them. as cliche as it is, this too will pass. it won't always be as intense as it seems in the moment. just focus on the things within your control and you're gonna be okay <3 <3
my trick to writing papers is to always write them with a mildly sarcastic tone. i can BLOT OUT THE SUN with a mile high stack of papers, containing only my essay, with that shit
and the teachers find it amusing and would give me good grades because they were amused. i even got published to some medical journals with that shit lmao
yeah that is cool and good, but i cant always write like that, especially for national exams
try to get an extension as well
no i really cant, my teachers are really strict about it, they would kill me if i did, and i know cos i did it last year too :c
yeah i understand the struggle with being online instead of trying to deal with school, i have online classes so the school made it so its more online work since we dont go to school in person, and its so tedious and boring it took me like 3 days to finish an 8 pages project, a lot of the work its "read about this simple issue and make a 8 pages essay about it" and because i used to be a dumb centrist i picked a bunch of economics clases with professors that just repeat the same taking points of the main conservative party, well at least next year i will have classes in person so that will be fun
you shouldnt feel bad about benting from time to time and its also good because it can take off some stress of overworking, i hope you have a good day tomorrow
