It was a slow process for me. I started out being extremely naive in grade school and actually thinking this country was a force of good in the world because that's how the media and people around me portrayed it. I joined the marines thinking that it was a noble thing to do along with trying to force myself to be a man (I'm a transwoman). I went to Iraq shortly after 9/11 but remember being confused as to why we were going there since they had nothing to do with 9/11. I remember seeing how rundown that country was and thinking there was no way that place was a threat to the U.S. I just felt like a bully being there and really started questioning the leadership of the u.s. I started reading books by Carl Sagan around that time since I was also questioning why god never seemed to answer my prayers and was curious as to what actual scientists had to say on that matter. I read the demon haunted world and saw the world from the eyes of a skeptic and non believer for the first time in my life. I became skeptical of the media and questioned why people said what they said instead of just accepting it. The more I learned and questioned the more left leaning I became. I regret serving in the military now obviously since I'm posting here, this country is just a bully picking on weaker countries that can't fight back all in the name of profit and that's fucked.

After the military I started working in dead end factory jobs where things never seemed to improve and the pay never kept up with inflation. My social anxiety kept me from doing anything more meaningful job-wise. My depressive episodes became more and more frequent. I saw my only purpose in this society to be that of a wage slave working towards making some rich fucks more rich and nothing more. Life has felt pointless most of my adult life now starting with the military. I know some of that is related to my mental health conditions but still.. It's been about 15 years of manufacturing and it has made me hate the system that just wants to use me until I break and feel a lot of empathy for those that are suffering similarly so I want change to occur. I want equality and I hate the rich and the amount of control they have over the rest of us both in this country and beyond. Too many people suffer in the name of misbegotten wealth.

I don't know theory so I just call myself a leftist at this point. My adult life experience has radicalized me. Maybe when this depressive episode ends I'll read up on theory but it doesn't seem my thoughts will ever matter in this world.