Hey, congrats on not drinking! almost a year is great!

thank you :af-heart: especially for reading through all of that, i really really appreciate it.

You do sound like you’re experiencing depression and if you have the ability to get treatment like a therapist or psychiatrist then I think it could do a lot for you.

yeah, i am diagnosed and on meds (that i guess aren't working as effectively anymore so maybe my dose needs to be adjusted) but when the drinking got bad 1.5yr back i ended up stopping going, then my insurance changed and when i started trying to find a new therapist all the ones in-network were not taking new patients and then an appointment i did have got canceled due to covid and i just haven't been able to try to find one recently. it's definitely something i need to do again though.

When I first got sober I joined 12 step groups, it puts a huge emphasis on community and fellowship so it helped me meet a lot of people that were similar to me, didn’t judge me for completely fucking up my life, and understood my depression. I’m not religious and I know that part of it makes people uncomfortable but I just took what I needed from it and disregarded the rest. Again, I know that this is controversial advice but I thought I’d offer it because it did help me.

I did go to one AA meeting about a year ago but the religious stuff did make me pretty uncomfortable after growing up catholic and abandoning that stuff like 12 years ago, i didn't like all the higher power stuff b/c if i stop drinking it's not a higher power helping me it's me doing it.

i definitely want to get involved with mutual aid stuff but social anxiety has held me back a lot, i think i just need to take the plunge though because i agree with you that i think it could do a lot of good.

idk i guess i'm rambling again i just want to say thank you again for reading through all of that and taking the time to respond, i really appreciate it.