First, don't confuse sex with the desire to dominate others. Rich people don't get rich because they want to fuck a lot. They do it because they want power and superiority over others, a desire that they express through sexual exploitation as well.
And don't take this the wrong way, but consider seeing a therapist if you can. The way that you describe the world makes me think you may be suffering from depression that's coloring your perception. There's definitely some truth to the bleak hellscape you describe, but it's not the whole truth. It's a bit like saying, "life is just a long march towards our inevitable death." Undeniably true, at least from a certain perspective, but it says more about the way you're looking at life than life itself, if that makes sense.
Gotcha. Look, best case scenario sex is just a fun thing you do with someone you like, and one of the few pleasures that's available to everyone and not completely commodified
Yeah, I got that. Sorry the perspective wasn't helpful
I felt a lot like you do right now about three years ago when #metoo was going on. I was still a SocDem radlib but something about that really fucking broke me. I wanted the heads of every single rapist on a pike and I just spiralled into a ball of alienated hatred and self-loathing. I had also hadn't given my gender much thought, so a lot of that self-loathing turned out to be dysphoria at the end of the day. I now think that a lot of the abuse that happens is the result of living in a class society where some people are untouchable as a result of their station, so they are allowed to fulfill the sadistic desires they've developed unchecked by and in isolation from a meaningful collective social life that would keep this kind of anti-social bullshit in check. Basically, I've folded the issue of sexual abuse and heterosexism into the fight for socialism so I feel that when I work towards that end, I am doing my part. On a personal level, therapy was incredibly helpful for me and I'm thankful I had access to that option. I also got really into Buddhism and the middle path and all that and it made me feel that it is entirely possible for people to move past their base desires and shitty socialisation. Also, putting some thought towards your gender and even the possibility that you could be asexual might be useful.
Healthy, non-abusive, relationships are possible! Not sure if that's what you're getting at when you talk about other people's relationships. When it comes to having trouble finding people, I think it boils down to working on yourself while trying to join some kind of good group of people. When you're in either a political organisation, a volunteer group, or some kind of recreational association, you meet all sorts of people, but also lots of well adjusted and cool people you already have something in common with. From there, if you come off like you have your shit mostly together (plus you mentioned you are conventionally attractive, so that helps) I feel the rest just falls into place. Not sure if you were asking for dating advice but there you go lol
edit: the benefit of this approach to me is that it felt more organic and indirect, unlike dating apps which feel more superficial, forced, and masculine (?) if that makes sense
you are not wrong in so far as the mainstream culture in USA and other similar places, so much of it exists within a realm of domination and seduction over any real connection
this makes finding intimacy very difficult within the mainstream because most cis folks (and a good chunk of 'accepted' queers) are just going to be expecting that type of transactional sexual relationship at first
I'd recommend seeking out people and groups that value non-sexual intimacy or emotional openness, since you are much more likely to find others interested in actually connecting with you as a person, and the community around those people will increase your chances of encountering intimacy that might become sexual if the feels are right
I mean most of the old, bald and fat men are rich enough to be able to pay to make themselves look better, they just don't for some reason.
I sympathise with you regarding sexuality being messed up under patriarchy. I guess you just have to understand that one some level there is a biological sex drive that is not influenced by society. Sex is not supposed to be dehumanising, rather the opposite.
A couple of things you could do which might help would be to introspect your sexuality, maybe a therapist could help with this. Figure out exactly what it is that makes you uncomfortable with it and see what you can do about it. The other thing you could do is abstain from all sexual activity for a while, so that you can get a more objective perspective on it. If you believe that your sexuality is messed up by you aren't acting on it then you won't be as anxious about it and you can think about it more clearly.
I was never more anxious about my sexuality than when I was using porn on a daily basis.
