damn, apparently my mom's side of the family has been quietly grappling with the fact that I'm trans, that they watched my dad abuse me for a dozen years or so, and that I've spent the last ten years without any family support at all.

on the one hand, it feels really good to know that they're thinking about this stuff. I'm glad they've all talked and made a collective decision to support my transition. that's super relieving and heartwarming. I don't have to be worried about getting deadnamed or misgendered when I do see them. I'm glad my transition has made them piece together just how fucked up my life was twenty years ago.

on the other... it's literally a decade too late, at the very least? I don't even really know what part of my life family is supposed to fit into. I'm confused about what to do with some of them who think that I need more active support and like frequent phone calls, now. what are we supposed to talk about? how to build a time machine so they could make things safe for me decades ago? my mental health is literally the best it's ever been.

I wish they'd cared enough to do something when it could really have made a difference but at this point it's water under the bridge - everything is already resolved.

also, to be clear, this doesn't include my immediate family. my parents are still tacking fascist and my dad will still literally try to kill me if he finds out I'm trans.