To kind of piggy back off of this, I've had to deal with my own internal CIS male biases and I have found a secret over the last half decade or so: it's ok to not engage. Read what other people are saying, try to understand, and just sit on it and relax. Process at your own pace.
My parents or lack thereof did a number on me, as did my history of being sexually abused at a very young age. I built lots of walls. I knew logically I was wrong as I aged but feelings and thoughts don't always line up. When I was younger I thought I had to comment on everything and naturally be right about everything. Then as I got older I became annoyingly inquisitive because I wanted to right my personal wrongs and have all the right hottakes. The result is I was a bad intentioned asshole who turned into a good intentioned asshole.
Still an asshole.
For me the truth is, I don't have to engage. I don't have to understand everything. I try to internalize my empathy and focus on why things are feeling uncomfortable. Ask questions when and where necessary, I suppose. But shit - even just reading the threads on the non-binary topics here, all passively - never reacting or posting, has taught me a ton.
I don't expect the train to stop because I need training wheels. I don't have to know everything right then and there.
To kind of piggy back off of this, I've had to deal with my own internal CIS male biases and I have found a secret over the last half decade or so: it's ok to not engage. Read what other people are saying, try to understand, and just sit on it and relax. Process at your own pace.
My parents or lack thereof did a number on me, as did my history of being sexually abused at a very young age. I built lots of walls. I knew logically I was wrong as I aged but feelings and thoughts don't always line up. When I was younger I thought I had to comment on everything and naturally be right about everything. Then as I got older I became annoyingly inquisitive because I wanted to right my personal wrongs and have all the right hottakes. The result is I was a bad intentioned asshole who turned into a good intentioned asshole.
Still an asshole.
For me the truth is, I don't have to engage. I don't have to understand everything. I try to internalize my empathy and focus on why things are feeling uncomfortable. Ask questions when and where necessary, I suppose. But shit - even just reading the threads on the non-binary topics here, all passively - never reacting or posting, has taught me a ton.
I don't expect the train to stop because I need training wheels. I don't have to know everything right then and there.
this is extremely true and a very good take. thank you for saying this.
No problem. Once in a great while I have some decent insight. It's part of the joys of getting older.
amen