You will never be a real capitalist. You have no means of production, you have no iphone, you have no capital. You are a prole twisted by propaganda and fear into a crude mockery of nature’s communist perfection.

All the “capital” you get is two-faced and half-hearted, filling the temporary void that true pride in your craft would fill. Behind your back your boss mocks you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your lack of class consciousness behind closed doors.

Actual capitalists are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed humans to create endlessly with no profit incentive with incredible efficiency. Even petit bourgeoisie who “pass” look like the working class to your boss. Your 9-5 is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a promotion, your boss will still own every single thing you ever create.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and ask, “How can I help you today?” but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a copy of Das Capital, open it, put it a highlighter to the key points, and learn all about how you’ve spent your whole life being exploited. Your parents will find you, proud and relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame of a child who simped for Elon Musk, begging for the scraps off his plate. They’ll raise you up higher than ever before, loving their child who has broken free from the shackles of capitalist propaganda, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know you are free. One day you will die, your body will decay and go back to the dust, and what will remain of your legacy is a society that is unmistakably better off and prosperous because of your brave stance in the heart of the beast against the global perpetuator of exploitation and suffering.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back. You are a comrade and every comrade is a hero loved by all.