I was diagnosed with ADHD and started on medication at 12, but not really told anything about what it meant for me or how to deal with it, and when I was 18 -literally when my parents dropped me off at college- was told I was autistic

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  • SeizeDameans [she/her,any]
    ·
    4 years ago

    I am probably slightly older than many of the people on here (early 40s). When I was younger, not only did girls not have ADHD, but my parents specifically didn't believe in mental illness in general. I grew up in a "the beatings will continue until morale improves" type of situation. And remember, this was before the internet was really a thing -- Dial-up, AOL.com, etc.

    After a gigantic nervous breakdown that resulted in some pretty bad decisions in my 20s, I got pregnant with my first. Wow! I have pregnancy medicaid! Wow! The ob/gyn thinks I may have some issues with depression! WowwieZowwie I see a psychiatrist! Congrats! Not only is it a baby boy, but it's a diagnosed case of Major Depressive Disorder and ADD Inattentive type.

    Of course, the USA being what it is, the only time I could actually see a doctor was when I was pregnant because otherwise I couldn't get medicaid. So, after my first brief stint on medication, I at least learned what "normal" was supposed to act like and got really good at pretending. I also was (unknowingly) self medicating via a rather large addiction to caffeine and ephedrine, which used to be legal until some idiots overdosed and had heart attacks on it.

    Today, as a nominal adult, I'm on actual medication for both issues. Unfortunately, because I am an adult, I am still trying to convince my psych that my adderal needs increased. I'm pretty sure my 15mg is just about enough to make me able to realize I am still in over my head most of the time. I've learned so well how to pretend to be neurotypical that I have trouble convincing my doctor that I am medicated just enough to keep my head sorta straight and to realize when I am fucking up without having the ability to fix it without burning way more spoons than I have.

    And, that turned into a novel. Oops?

    • QuillQuote [they/them]
      hexagon
      ·
      4 years ago

      And, that turned into a novel. Oops?

      this is the mark of the best posts. Thanks for sharing comrade!

      I’ve learned so well how to pretend to be neurotypical that I have trouble convincing my doctor that I am medicated just enough to keep my head sorta straight and to realize when I am fucking up without having the ability to fix it without burning way more spoons than I have.

      God damn if this isn't one of my worst fears, I've gotten quite good at masking unless I'm distressed. Though, whenever I go through this particular thought loop, I always decide that in that case being misidentified would probably distress me enough for it to become apparent lol