okay but when youre marginalized enough and properly disgusted by the idea of boot licking; literally every space feels like that. like I don't assume I'm welcome anywhere, and it's just a matter of time before im asked to leave. including here. if it hasn't happened yet, I just assume nobody's been paying attention.

i occasionally poke the mods, if its a place like this, just to check. which is maybe rude, but fuck it; it's got an expiration date anyway, right?

which isn't to say ive never gone back anywhere with a new account, but it's not the same when you know you're unwelcome, and that shit builds up over time across places/clubs/social groups/bars/old pre-facebook boards/subreddits/wherevertheshitelse.