i keep playing games im really bad at, which i like watching from time to time but only make me feel like a dumbass cos i lose costantly (mainly chess).
after that, i tell myself im good for nothing, and i go back into a depressive/anxious spiral that can last half a day if i dont manage to calm myself down, but even after that i try to try again the day after, which one might think is the good and honest thing to do, right? like trying again to try to improve? but then i lose another couple of games/do badly at the videogamez and it restarts all over again and i cry on myself again. i know it might sound like im exaggerating but i think it's some sort of self harm.
and im starting to doubt if im good at anything, cos i really am not. like the only thing i've been more than ok at for the past two years or so is my high school math, which, tbh, is going great, im helping out basically all my friends pass, but even slightly outside of that i am complete trash at stuff, like not even worth trying.
Maybe some form of art or music? I've done music since my teens. The thing about the arts is that the feeling of being unable to be good at them is the reason they exist, contrary to what you may have heard about becoming rich and famous! That's only what it looks like from the outside. Scratch any successful artist and an insecure person bleeds. Take a shot at expressing that feeling.
tbh i feel like too bad to try and do some drawing after this, i feel like i would be completely worthless at it right now. idk why i'd try them right now when they are gonna make me feel worse...
idk, you might surprise yourself with something. just let go of it, watch some birds in the snow for like an hour.