the destructive power of western culture and language suffusing everything in my life. the destruction of my own gaze into a western one.
i can't live without feeling constantly like we lost, we are conquered, and that this feeling will never go away. the frustration at the parts of myself forever lost to this even as i write in english on a primarily western website shaped by a very western internet, in full awareness that i do not know how to access such concepts and spaces indigenously.
i need to read some books and relearn my mother tongue. i need help.
ah, I can help, I can read, write, speak, I do use the language everyday, but mostly in bastardised pigdin. I just need to fix my technical vocabulary. It's somehow become my second language for expressing anything complex.
so maybe I need college level literature