happened this saturday. i usually write stuff like this a bit earlier than this, but i was a bit busy and i wasnt bothered to make a post about it. i woke up very late (2PM) cos i had a dnd game with my online friends that lasted well into the night. apparently when they woke me up and told me to come upstairs to have lunch i told them off, but i dont really have recollection of that. after that they went on a tangent about how i am never grateful, i never help, im never there with them, and so on. after a while of just taking it (while still in bed), i break out, crying in my pillow, i threaten them to call my therapist, which they thought was a stupid idea, they told me i had no good reason to cry. they then kept talking about random unrelated stuff they dont like about me (how i have long hair, how i prefer my online friends to my school friends (who according to them arent "real friends", cos those ones are only irl and if they can help you or something like that), how i should be prohibited to talk with them or use my pc past midnight (im 18??), how i wasnt able to study abroad for long enough for mental reasons, etc). the only person who came to like atleast tell me it's all going to be fine was my brother who comforted and hugged me for a few minutes while i was still shaking and blowing my nose.
i dont really know what to do. i dont get why they act so cruel. they are usually nice people. they hug me, and generally look loving, but they also sometimes just berate me with shit like this and downplay my emotions. i want to leave my house but im also very scared of living alone. i feel like i couldnt survive without them but i also cant survive with them. i want to say im their child so i deserve a bit more love, but im also an adult so they might as well throw me out. i dont really know if you can say they really do love me, cos this seems a pretty bad approach to it. i dont even know if they realize how much im in pain for this or they just want to irrationally/egoistically let anger out on me.
sorry for the too-much-info rant again. i hope i can talk about this to my therapist soon. she do be having covid tho, so no time soon. i dont really expect advice (but keep that coming if you have to), more a bit of venting space if that's possible.
Edit - Some people are telling me this is bad advice. I disagree, but I'm not gonna argue.
Some things I think you should do -
Tell them you're sorry you woke up late and told them off. Don't tell them again that you don't even remember doing so. Trust them when they said that you did and just apologize. They may still be mad at this point. Don't take it personally. It can take some time to forgive people.
Tell them you'll wake up early from now on and you'll talk to your online friends about scheduling the game earlier. Ask them if there's anything you can do to make up, if they have any chores right now or later. Then make a habit of doing chores.
Actually wake up earlier. Either try an move the game back an hour or so, cut back on the number of times you play a week, leave the game an hour early, or just function on less sleep. I don't know what will work in your case, but your parents have to see you actually trying and becoming better.
Have lunch/dinner with them. Ask them about their day, what's happening in the news, sports, local neighborhood etc. If they're meeting some friends or want to do some stuff with you later, tomorrow, weekend etc. Spend some time with them, giving them your genuine attention.
dad why are you on chapo dot chat
because the subreddit got banned
(edit - was this a good dad response?)
deleted by creator
Actually no, Fuck all of that advice.
Noone, not even "family" has the right to verbally abuse someone.
They do not owe their family engagement if they are gonna gaslight and be shitty like this. you don't have to "just trust them" when the family say op "told them off" they could very well be vastly exaggerating what was actually said or they misheard mumbled sleep words.
When they start berating small things about your appearance you know you've well and truly entered abuse territory. fuck that.
Source: an abusive family that I'm very glad is out of my life.
Holy shit this is literally just "give in to their abuse".
this all seems like good advice but I feel like this is kind of enabling/capitulating to their rudeness?? idk my parents were assholes and if I tried to apologize or promise to "do better" they'd probably just scoff and I'd feel absolutely humiliated. Eating or talking casually with my parents is straight nightmare fuel for me, stresses me out just thinking about it. honestly if my parents yelled at me like OP I'd just do the bare minimum to placate them and then make preparations to move somewhere else, which is basically what I did irl. I guess she said her parents are normally nice but nice people don't yell at their kids until they cry imo.