i'm not sure we are actually agreeing here. yes, if someone is being abusive then addressing the abuse takes priority; the issue is the assumption that being diagnosed means one is an abuser, per se. and even in the case of low level abuse of others, that doesn't disqualify someone from being ND. lots of ND and mentally ill people do bad things, often as children, which then gets them diagnosed and subjected to the abuses of mental health institutions.

being ND isn't a label you only get if you're on good behavior, it's something you are, it is a relation to the norms enforced by a medicalized society. i am autistic not because i do nice things and deserve a pass on my stuttering and odd facial expressions and mannerisms, i am autistic because a nazi collaborator wanted a metric to decide which children should be kept alive and which ones should be euthanized. ND includes anyone whose brains are deemed aberrant. i am treated and accommodated (or not accommodated) a certain way, regardless of knowledge of any formal diagnosis, and so I'm autistic because of that rather than a diagnosis.

i really don't like the "people are being overdiagnosed to excuse shitty behavior" line for this reason. yes, people do look for excuses when they do bad things, but that does not mean people are lying about whatever ND identity.