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17 days agoNew femtanyl album just dropped! 
Kiagz [she/her]
Just a sad boymoder 
- 2 Posts
- 246 Comments
Joined 4 years ago
Cake day: July 27th, 2020
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feeling very depressed
Everything feels hopeless and pointless. Every attempt to turn my life around has failed, and things just keep getting worse.
I'm unable to make any real progress in my transition, just keep taking my HRT but there's been no noticable changes for half a year now, even though my levels are all good. Same thing goes for facial hair removal. How many more fucking laser sessions do I need in order to get rid of this last part? Voice training seems impossible for me, and I'm many years away from being able to afford any of the surgeries I want. I'm so tired of being stuck like this.
Last week I started eating healthier and working out. I'm not comfortable with going to a gym, so I'm doing indoor cycling instead. So far it's going great, and I'm noticing that I feel better mentally after doing my workout
I should have started working years ago. Could have saved up quite a bit of money by now. Instead I spent the past 3 years studying, and all I have to show for it is a ton of student debt and knowledge about web development that I will never get any use out of because I have zero interest in that stuff. I have a job now, but the pay isn't very high so it's gonna take me a very long time to save up for all the surgeries I want
Today has been a busy day, and I feel like I've made good progress with several important things. Had my first appointment with a speech therapist experienced in helping trans people, and now I'm back to voice training
Trying a different tactic, hopefully I'll actually be able to stick to it this time 
Every monday I have an appointment with my therapist, but this time I show up only to find out that he's on vacation. Cool, not like they could have told me that ahead of time
feeling sad and lonely :(
The loneliness and executive dysfunction are most noticable for me in the weekend. I have all this free time, two whole days where I can do whatever. But I have no friends to hang out with, and no motivation to do anything other than scroll through social media and think about how bad my life is
deleted by creator
Brain is empty today
·1 month agoBeen on 20mg ritalin for about a week now, and I'm still struggling just as much as before
Learned about a different type of ADHD treatment called interactive metronome, and I might try that if the medications don't work out.
sad :(
My brain is so mean to me
Just a constant stream of negativity towards myself. Nothing is ever good enough
I'm so impatient, I really wish it would go faster. But at the same time it's easier for me to keep boymoding when there's no big, sudden changes. It is what it is, I guess...
According to my mom my face looks softer and more feminine
She also said my nose has gotten thinner 
Seems HRT is still doing it's thing, I'm just really bad at noticing it.
So, I read a comment on youtube about cleanliness OCD, and I seriously think I have some form of that. I'm not sure if it's bad enough to warrant being called a disorder in my case, though. Will definitely be bringing this up with my therapist the next time I see him.
It's so great. You can't even buy a new washing machine now without AI being crammed into it. I'm sure the next kettle I buy will also have AI, somehow
Facial dysmorphia
My facial dysmorphia is so bad
Earlier today my face looked really masculine in the mirror, but now it's like a switch flipped in my brain and I can only perceive my face as feminine and really close to passing. I have no idea what I actually look like.