Diarrhea but if you sell as if you are trying to talk around it while also admitting your are currently experiencing it like your sitting on the shitter currently. Referring to cramps, sweating, and "stomach issues" and really put a lot of ums in like you are reallly trying to look for the right words. Be profusely apologetic also some delivery tips get your heart rate high before the call and focus on one muscle and clentch and unclentch like a hand or calf while talking. Then off handedly referring to clams or another shellfish your siblings/spouse/roommate/SO brought home from their work that you had for dinner last night. Also you need to make sure you are not selling it as COVID because you are so sure it is from what you ate since this started only an hour after you ate and the other person is experiencing it too.
this is my view as well reason I like hard liquor straight