My condolences to their son. Full thread if you want to feel bad for their children: https://twitter.com/herong/status/1515846706394501123?s=21
My condolences to their son. Full thread if you want to feel bad for their children: https://twitter.com/herong/status/1515846706394501123?s=21
When you have zero idea of what emotional labor is
She's right. Parenting, especially work women are expected to put in, is uncompensated social labor. Having to manage yours and other people's emotions during said labor is emotional labor.
Extending the definition to parenting is an internet phenomenon, the academic discourse around the concept is largely centered around Workplace relationships, Customers, co-workers, bosses etc
In what world does “compensation” even make sense in a parent-child relationship, aside from the obvious dark implications?
:this:
deleted by creator
While I agree, conflating terms (not saying you specifically) like emotional labor and necessary social labor just leads to confusion
While both deal with linked aspects of social life they are distinct in the way they define specific relationships
One deals with reproduction of society on a basic level (children, rearing etc)
And the other deals with the reproduction of relationships internal to firms, that’s why when conflating them terms like “compensation” become creepy or just useless in a roundabout way
deleted by creator
one thing to be careful with - the separation between home life and work life is artificial and they are in fact inextricably linked. that women are expected to perform caretaking labor at work can't really be separated from the same expectation at home. it's one of the reasons routinely trotted out by liberals to explain the wage gap - men choose to work more at the office. well yeah, women have more of the necessary and unwaged labor of social reproduction.
and all of this doesn't really apply to the screenshotted post. they chose to adopt/foster children and are presumably the only adult in their lives. the kids think they can lean on someone they trust and don't have another option. forget society - focus on the people right there who need help!
Graeber actually writes a bit about this in Debt
I like his bit about how, even more absurd than the idea of putting a bill together for parental services rendered, is the idea of someone actually paying it. What does that relationship mean now? That child and parent are suddenly equals with no obligations to each other?
Debt: The First 5000 Years
The entire section on primordial debt is really great.
I just started this book -- I'm 2 chapters in, it's already great.
Oh yeah the opening really sucks you in. A good history book makes you feel like you're time traveling. He was such a good writer.
that used to be a thing in the pre-feudal world (called the patriarchal mode of production) where children worked for their fathers on the land belonging to their father without pay.
A child could ask for their inheritance while their parent was alive which was essentially telling your parent you wish they were dead and they should pay up the money due to you when they die. As with all cases of telling your dad to their face that you wish they were dead it was quite drastic and emotionally charged
That's even more interesting to me, flipping the situation on its head. Asking your parent to pay you in order to square your affairs.
the idea was that the children had performed years of service to the parent
Unpaid domestic and care work done by women seems to be fairly established topic in feminist discourse. Ideally you'd see this socially necessary work supported, supplemented or compensated by that society/community/government.
I don't think that's really being disputed here. Whatever point this person is making they shouldn't be posting it on twitter of all places. Their kid will see this and probably never feel safe confiding in their parent again.
This is some extremely narcissistic behavior.
Edit: Also as noted this person is apparently referring to their recently adopted 18 yo son, which like yeah no shit they probably have some shit to work out. The foster system in the US isn't exactly the most healthy environment and they have presumably lost or been estranged from their birth parents what the fuck do you expect?
It's not like they're a struggling parent, they chose to do this and as a lawyer they probably are pretty economically comfortable.
The more I think about this the more mad I get.
yeah being a figure of support for your children (biological or adopted makes no difference) is such a profound obligation that this is a deeply :haram: thing to say
They shouldn't be posting that where the kid can see. Hard to argue with that.
How do you "adopt" an 18 year old anyway? That's an adult.
deleted by creator
I think Engels talked about how having and raising kids is vital work for the maintenance of society that goes unappreciated and unrewarded. The majority of which is done by women.
sure but in this context, this person is talking about two children they volunteered to foster/adopt. they took the work on presumably because they could and because they wanted to. the kids aren't perpetuating a societal expectation that women must be the caretakers of the family - they're leaning on the only adult they have. as they should!
I agree they have an obligation to their children and I was proposing that society should better accomodate parents not that children should owe parents