I've supressed being trans for decades and let me tell you, it doesn't get better. Anything besides being fully out, living as your actual gender(s) fulltime and taking all the physical transition steps you need to feel comfortable in your own skin will only hurt yourself more and more and if it turns out that your environment is not accepting and that you need a completely new social circle, breaking off all contact and starting all over again within the trans community is both possible and worth it. If moving to another state or to another country even is the only option, that's how it is. If you're trans, you'll never do more than surviving in absolute misery if you keep up the lie of being your AGAB.

After i finally cracked, i needed almost a year to sort myself out and start actually experimenting, and that's a process in itself, but i'm begging you people to do yourself a favor and stop being closeted. You're missing out on so much. I get that the first steps are scary, but once you realize that you can just go out and present as your actual gender in public and nobody's stopping you, life becomes so much better.